God’s Own Country


Perfect movie. Perfect title, perfect actors, perfect setting, perfect script, every single thing. I was BLOWN away (pun intended you cheeky bastard) by this film. I was at my friend Rachel’s house and we were looking for something to watch and I had been like, “I would watch a comedy?” which immediately turned into ‘clandestine gay love story.’ It’s the winter for God’s sake, we all need some bleak tale about the beauty and pain of love set on a remote English cattle farm. This movie is EXACTLY the kind of porn I would create if I made porn, just with slightly more dead sheep.

So, this movie centers around a boy (Johnny Saxby played by Josh O’Connor) who is probably around 19 or 20, solidly in the middle slice of the Kid/Adult Venn Diagram of life. His mom has left, and he lives with his Nan (Gemma Jones) and Dad (Ian Hunt) who uses a cane, we find out later he has had a stroke. This wouldn’t matter but they are on a farm and he is unable to do half of the labor as he once was. The movie opens with Johnny throwing up, then we live through a single day with him: drinking milk from the bottle, selling a cow at auction, fucking someone in a trailer, going home, getting reprimanded for doing somehow everything wrong, being forced to shoot a baby calf in the head, eating dinner, then getting obliterated at the local pub. The next morning we see him getting sick again and it wordlessly sets up the knowledge that this is what his life is EVERY day, this relentless cycle of hard work, loneliness, and brief escape.

There’s an amazing run-in with a friend who went off to uni, a girl who’s back in town and it’s clear that there’s true friendship but also bristling resentment that he really can’t shake off. Things are RUFF for Johnny.

Then there’s like a farm thing that happens (either it’s a time of year for sheep where there’s more work? Or an especially big project needs to happen? I don’t know, I didn’t fully absorb the motivation for this) but the Dad hires for a week and brings in this guy from Romania (Gheorghe Ionescu played by Alec Secareanu). And guess what? He’s vulnerable but tough and very very cute and also gay it seems. There’s 4 people in this movie and half of them are insanely hot. The dad and Nan were too old for me (the Nan is the mom from Bridget Jones’ Diary!!!) but both male leads, what. the. fuck! Cuties. John is Prince Charles in The Crown Rachel told me, so he clearly has the range.

Um ok, so there’s a very Brokeback Mountain sort of setup where they need to go off by themselves in the blistering cold to do manual labor and share a tent. I don’t know what it is about sharing a tent that makes two men gay, but that’s science for you. On the second night there’s maybe the best sex scene I’ve ever seen in my life, and maybe this is revealing too much about me??? But like, as someone who would inject intimacy into my veins if I could, just wow. The main guy is set up SO guarded and closed off that when the vulnerability comes (and boy does it cum) it’s very wow to me.

Ok so they forge this tentative but sweet bond, but then it’s back to the farm as they say where don’tcha know, there was not a rainbow flag from Chase bank welcoming them. The dad has another stroke which is scary and bad for everyone involved. Gheorghe offers to stay longer than the week to help with the workload but also kind of as a couple? And starts to say relationship things. John accepts, but is clearly scared and overwhelmed. They go to the pub, Gheorghe isn’t really drinking, John is getting wasted, and gets a blowjob from his friend from home’s gay friend from uni. Gheorghe has run into a little casual racism at the pub and is trying to collect him to leave and witnesses said blowjob. He leaves, they have a fight in the street where nothing is said, Gheorghe leaves the next day.

I mean, I’m not going to say the ending because this is a movie you should watch but the ARTISTRY of this movie was stunning to me, I haven’t seen something so careful in a long time. There is MINIMAL dialogue. Like for every probably three minutesof screen time there’s one minute of dialogue but it’s never boring (I would actually use the word ‘riveting’ for the majority of the film), and there’s SO MUCH being communicated nonverbally. It’s amazing. This movie felt like a puzzle, but all the pieces are your ideas about love.

The title is incredible to me because there’s this idea that rural places are very religious and anti-gay but so many rural people are gay and that’s God too. I mean, if you believe in God. Yeah like, the hypocrisy of thinking God made everything in the universe but didn’t make people gay? Or didn’t design free will? (if you think it’s a choice which it’s not!!).

The movie had a rugged tenderness it’s really hard to find sustained examples of and I appreciated it deeply. The costuming was incredibly accurate but it did feel like someone took meth in an Old Navy and just called it a day. Like the amount of gray/navy blue hoodies was unreal. If your kink is lightwash cotton, bring two pairs of underwear!! (‘Bring’ is used very loosely here because this movie is on Netflix).

I mean okay, maybe I will just say the ending, we’re already here. John takes a long journey goes to the potato farm Gheorghe is working on and he almost doesn’t get him back because he can’t articulate his feelings/wont’ be vulnerable but then he does because he has this burst where he’s like, “I want to be with you” and it’s GORGEOUS and they make out on the farm which made me nervous for them!!! But was ok.

An aside: My whole body was tensed for bursts of explicit violence throughout and I think that’s a combination of three things: One, how so many gay love stories include the violence gay people often face which is representational but also deeply upsetting/exhausting and overshadows the casual beautiful light gay romances which also exist, Two a lot of men’s reactions to their own sexuality (or others) can be a violent rejection if they have been brought up to think it’s wrong or a ‘sin,’ and Three, farm life requires a proximity to certain unpleasant/messy parts of life that living in a bigger city shields people from– so I was really primed to expect some vicious shit but honestly pleasantly surprised when it didn’t come. You don’t need to shock people with brutality to drive a message home!! @Quentin Tarantino.

Before going John talks to his father and essentially tells him he’s gay and he’s going to get the guy and, “I can do this but I can’t do it the way you want me to,” meaning, taking care of the farm by himself. Meanwhile his dad, who hasn’t said a single positive or loving thing the entire movie, has realized the fleeting nature of life and the importance of expressing love since his second stroke it would seem is like, “You did a good job…on the fence” or paddock or whatever but it means, “I know you’re gay and I’m proud of you and I love you and I’m sorry.” Male emotion is very complicated but also beautiful.

Then there’s this old footage of two men on a farm like clearing wheat or something with all these children and I feel like it’s the two real guys and the story was based on them?? But I did no research and they could have just put that there to make you think that, I don’t know-I didn’t really need to know either way.

This movie stunned me in so many ways and I genuinely feel changed me??? I feel different now, ever so slightly. Beautiful beautiful storytelling, 69 thumbs up, will masturbate again.

p.s. Two of the “plot keywords” on IMDB for this are “gay relationship” and “sheep” which is very funny.

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This movie felt like, “What if OldBoy was kind of more about real estate?” or “What if the Monkey’s Paw was a Korean cautionary tale?” Obviously there’s a lot more going on than that, but Wow.

Ok so I feel like there was like 40-45 minutes of just building a normal fucking world. And maybe this is racist of my brain to connect, but it felt like Shoplifters to me: an Asian family in poverty, everyone living in one room, conning to make things work, etc. One of the biggest differences though is how awful I felt for most of this movie. It didn’t feel like the family were good people? Is that capitalism speaking? Like I completely understand poverty makes you do things that compromise your morals but it didn’t really feel like there was much to compromise, and of course someone could say that’s a learned mentality necessary for survival/being poor your whole life but I feel like there are plenty of people who at least wrestle with the morality of certain decisions and it feels kind of condescending to not think that just because they’re poor, like, “Oh poor people don’t have morality because they’re *poor,* they simply can’t afford it,” that feels gross.

The daughter (Ki-jung played by Park So Dam) especially embodied this. The driver she thoughtlessly frames and causes to lose his job, I felt awful for. Ok but now we’re reaching the meat (the ram-don if you will)-when the old housekeeper comes. This is when we really leave the reality of the story we’ve known, and add this INSANE layer. It was like peeling back a layer of an onion, and below that layer your husband hasn’t been outside in 4 years. Wowza!

I literally kept holding my head in my hands- all the scenes in that basement/bomb shelter area freaked me the fuck out, from the housekeepers concussion (how did that not kill her?? Have you ever fallen down concrete stairs and had your entire body weight slam your head against a wall? Of course not, because you would be dead!), the shell-shocked bloody morse code head bangs, to the son running with that steel turnkey noose thing clanging behind him, all of it freaked me out.

A stroke of genius was having the birthday party to build tension because between them losing their house to a literal shit storm, and the people trapped in the basement with respective head wounds, the cuts to the sunny, cake-filled birthday party were a perfect contrast.

So just a general recap if you haven’t seen it (which, you should close this window immediately and wait til you do) or forgot stuff, like I do: A poor family gets an in with an incredibly rich family looking for a tutor because the current one (Min played by Seo-joon Park ) is studying abroad. He has a crush on the tutee (which is also unethical and made me uncomfortable the whole time, how old is she?? Everyone says they’re gonna ask her out when she goes to university, so is she in Korean high school? I hated it) and wants someone he can trust to “look after her.” Gross. He recommends his friend (the son of the poor family, Kim Ki-woo played by Woo-sik Choi) who he lies and says is a college student. Of course he and the daughter (Park Da-hye played by Ji-so Jung) start making out right away.

Slowly he gets his entire family hired as they one by one dispose of the current staff. But one (the old housekeeper Moon-gwang played by Lee Jung Eun) comes back and reveals that her husband has been living in a secret part of the house for 4 years give or take, (what’s a few months when we’re talking underground isolation!). The mom is kind of being a bitch about it but then there’s a power shift/struggle when the old maid (no offense) discovers that they’re all a family and deceived the rich people.

But then the rich people are coming home unexpectedly and the most stressful 8 minutes of my life ensues where somehow they get everything back in place and hide. There’s a very good sex scene (if you’re me), then the family manages to escape undetected. They walk a million years home in the rain only to find their home (basement level) flooding with sewage water. They try to salvage everything they own then sleep in a gym with everyone else who got flooded. During this, right before going to sleep the boy asks his father what the plan is regarding the 2 people they now left locked in the bowels of the house. The dad then has a speech about how the only plan that can’t get messed up is no plan, so they shouldn’t plan to do anything. The boy kind of disagrees, and while this is happening he is clutching the oversize rock Min gave them which I forgot to mention. Min brought over a giant rock as a present from his grandfather when he asked Kim to tutor the girl. He said the rock brought people wealth and also some other stuff I can’t remember. My read of the rock was that all their luck started changing when it got brought into the house but ultimately it was a curse.

The kid brings it to the basement to kill? The guy chained there (so there were no loose ends? I have no idea why he wanted to kill him) and ends up getting absolutely mauled with it (how does HE not die?? How). ANyway, the shit really hits the fan at the birthday party (next day) when the basement guy gets out and attacks (and kills) the daughter with a kitchen knife, and ends up dying because the mom stabs with with some shrimp (true). But then the DAD stabs the rich guy (Mr. Park played by Lee Sun Kyun), because he made a face of disgust when he went to get the car keys from under the dead guy and he smelled him. “Smell” has been woven through the whole movie as it pertains to class particularly, all the rich characters (except the daughter I’m pretty sure) mention (or notice) how poor people smell different, and they can’t quite place the smell, it’s from the basement or the subway or a certain kind of laundry soap or a radish or a boiled rag, etc. Anyway, when he makes a face at the smell of the guy, the dad goes over and stabs him, then hides in the secret shelter for life I suppose.

There’s morse code with the lights- there’s a lot of stuff, you really have to see it- and his son finds out he’s in there. Then we get HIS letter (which, how would he ever get it to his dad?) where he resolves to one day be so rich he can buy the house and his dad can just, “walk up the stairs.” As he is narrating this, we see it all happening so you think time is passing but when he finishes the letter he is his same age (he’s had brain surgery) and it hits you how long and daunting a task that really is. Then the movie ends.

Some stuff: There’s absolutely some parallel about levels/being ‘underground’/the symbology of staircases and what that signifies and is it better to be safe but not free or in danger but have freedom, etc. Like I said earlier, I think the stone was some kind of monkey’s paw, magical but cursed. I wonder if Min was well or mal-intended, I want to rewatch through that lens. I feel like who you think is good in this movie says a lot about you.

The meal that the mom called to ask her to cook that let them know they were coming home- Ram-don, looked SO good I looked it up because I want to make it and I found all these articles about why she added sirloin in it, apparently that’s unusual? From an article in the LA times written by Margy Rochlin, “Those fluent in Korean would tell you that the housewife in the movie is actually directing her maid to prepare a popular Korean quick food, jjapaguri, a word so hard to translate that for the English subtitles “Parasite” translator Darcy Paquet chose instead to invent a name not known in any language but that would merge the words “ramen” and “udon.”

Bong said he came up with the steak-on-a-pile-of-instant noodles as a way of showing how the wealthy housewife wanted to please her young son but how she also regarded jjapaguri as food for commoners, hence adding the steak.

I kept thinking about the title, which means to invade and prey from within, and something that cannot live without a host. There’s definitely socialist commentary to be made here regarding the inherent evils of capitalism and greed but I won’t, just vote for Bernie Sanders.

I’ve seen a few cursory reviews framing this as an ‘exploration of class tension’ but I think it goes deeper than that, I think it’s a framing of morality through the lens of wealth. An interesting line of dialogue from the mother of the poor family about the rich one after someone compliments her for being, ‘so nice,’  “She’s not nice enough for being so rich, she’s nice because she’s so rich.” Insinuating that wealth allows people the security to have morals/kindness and implying that being poor does not.

I felt like a question that kept coming up for me was, who is blameless in this story? The rich mom desperately wanted to be around people she could trust for fear of being taken advantage of, and this drove her into the arms of people doing exactly that. A huge fallacy here to me seemed that the relationships with her employees didn’t mean anything to her, she stressed many times how much ‘easier’ it is to let people go and not say the reason, had she asked them a simple question she would have very quickly realized something was amiss but the readily available notion (to her) that poorer people are immoral let her believe flagrantly false things about people she had had daily interactions with for years. Combined with not wanting to deal with the discomfort of confrontation, and that she hadn’t formed relationships with them despite ‘knowing’ them such a long time (in the case of the housekeeper especially) all conflated and prevented her from seeing the truth of the situation. If we’re comparing the morality (and why wouldn’t we?) Which is worse: getting someone you don’t know fired to feed your starving family or firing someone you’ve known for years based on a strangers gossip?

Who we see as the villain and the victim in stories like this has a lot to do with structural wealth and access to resources. (I guess I am going into a socialist rant?) But just, we moralize crimes based on what we perceive about the person all the time regardless of ethics—and maybe I’m projecting, maybe everyone else watched this and thought everyone was a bad person and this is very obvious but I think it’s interesting because usually the class dynamics is a direct corollary to value depending on who made the art: either all the rich people are the bad guys or all the poor people are, and I liked this because everyone seemed like the bad guys? Or just, no one was faultless in the violent chaos that sort of became their universe.

Actually, not no one, the little boy (Da-song played by Jung Hyeon Jun) seemed to me to be the key to everything and outside this dynamic. He is the only one who can sense what’s going on and he’s haunted by it (they repeatedly reference his ‘trauma’ from seeing a ‘ghost’ which was actually the husband coming up to get food). He stays connected to the old housekeeper through texts because they had a friendship and this is the reason she knows the family is out of town, he is the reason the mom invites “Jessica” to the birthday party then everyone else is invited because of that, he’s the reason the mom calls and says they’re coming home so the housekeeper can make the ram-don, he’s the one to notice the family all smell the same, etc. So many crucial plot elements enacted because he sees & interacts with the world differently than his parents and sister. There’s also a lot of really interesting descriptions of him, the mom describes him as Basquit-esque (lol he’s 9) but in a movie steeped in class issues comparing him to someone poor who became rich only to die of a heroin overdose is probably peripherally meaningful, there were more but I forgot them.

I really wanted this review to have a fully formed thesis and breakdown of ideas but I’m in the middle of moving right now and at this point I saw this movie weeks ago and I just need to publish this. I think it’s about class but I also think it’s about morality through the lens of wealth, and I think the narrative was structured in a very intentional way to invoke sympathy through a loaded interpretation of ethics. That’s basically it. There’s like examples and stuff in the movie of this. Find them yourself I’m tired!!!! Oh also the movie was very beautiful.

I liked it a lot, 6/7 cubes of sirloin steak in the ram-don, would masturbate again.










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! Just watched the finale, and then the little after-interview with Zendaya and Hunter Schafer (who I just found out is from Raleigh!!!!). This show!! At first I was kind of overwhelmed and emotionally distant to it because, just, how many more of these ‘The Youth Are Corrupted’ shows can my heart take??? I’ve already watched: BOTH Skins, The O.C., Riverdale, Gossip Girl, 13 Reasons Why, and a million Harmony Korine movies. Enough is enough!

But I did keep watching and post episode 2 was the tipping point for me, I was into the characters and hooked on the style/everything. The thing that most impresses me about this show is how every aspect of production is so high level and feels unique. The set design, editing, acting, writing, camera work, MAKEUP—–I could write an entire separate post about the makeup. Each character has a different look that is so specific to them that I’ve NEVER seen before. That alone is insane. Jules is the obvious standout, with these neon negative space eye looks, but Maddy’s individual gem eyeliner and cleopatra turquoise winged lids, Kat’s whole lip thing, Rue’s under-eye/cheek glitter tears, even Cassie’s slutty angel vibe-I don’t know what to tell you, it’s all good.

Even the WAY the show is filmed, we get these shots that are really sweeping and feel reckless, like when Jules and Rue are running somewhere, or group shots of people going upstairs at a party-then there’s entire scenes where the camera does a long close shot or doesn’t move at all and it’s super stationary and quiet. Sometimes a whole scene turns upside down for a while, or revolves around, spinning, like when Jules and Rue kissed for the first time in bed and fell asleep together. There’s also these abstract/surrealist choices that happen sometimes where people can walk on walls or Rue is a detective, or pill bottles can talk, it really affects the feeling of what’s happening, and makes it feel like you feel the intensity of the moment the way the characters do.

I love the structural echo of each episode beginning with a voiceover narration and review of the entire life of one character that reveals these in-depth truths that are often dark or disturbing but also humanizing. TV that reminds us that everyone has their own story and their own shit and perspective is good and that is a philosophy I have found helpful moving through the world.

The entire reason I started watching this show is because I follow the actress who plays Kat (Barbie Ferreira) on Instagram for being a plus size model. Kat is a whole thing for me because she is fat-not actually, she’s like maybe a size 10-but on TV that’s not allowed unless you’re a Grandma (even the moms have to be hot!!) and they have her explore sexuality in a really interesting way, a lot online.

A personal aside about this–something I’M personally experimenting with as a Small Fat on Instagram is posting photos of myself that are more revealing or sexual than I would be in real life because it feels safer. When I wear revealing or tight clothes Out In The World, I often feel really vulnerable/scared because I attract a lot more male attention that makes me uncomfortable and sometimes worried. Online is a way to put this image of myself out there but not have to deal with initial/immediate fear of someone’s reaction to it because I’m not physically present. I think there is a really reductive way people talk about women being sexual online, “thirst traps” in particular in a term I hate because it implies that the intention is for the viewer- for the reaction it elicits-but from personal experience, often being sexual for people who don’t have culturally sanctioned ‘sexual’ bodies (i.e. hyper thin) is a way to show OURSELVES that we are sexy and that it is ok to be that way. If other people appreciate it that’s cool, but to say it’s *for* them to me is missing the point. So it felt really natural to me that Kat explored this new sexual identity anonymously online, I really liked that they did that and having her get there through positive reactions to the leaked sex tape was really interesting/viable to me because also men ARE attracted to bigger women, like actually! That’s always been a disconnect for me, as well, the desexualization of bigger women in entertainment but in real life it’s often not the case. Lots of thoughts!!! I told you!!

I really vibed with that and I like her whole character and I LOVE Ethan (Austin Abrams) who I will marry even though he doesn’t exist and marriage isn’t real, mark my words!! The whole Kat thing–there’s a lot there. I’m interested to see where the dom persona goes for her, I love that they’re talking about people being attracted to bigger women but something that also happens is that bigger women are fetishized and that’s not great either,,,,hoping she learns this lesson/it is mentioned in some way? But I guess her financially profiting off others is a good way to be in control of this dynamic that exists beyond her and if it makes her feel powerful then it’s good. I lived and breathed for the scene of her fucking the salesperson in the dressing room and was sad it was a hallucination. That whole episode I wanted to be 2 years long. Where do we have fat women talking about being hot??? Nowhere!!!

The addiction stuff with Rue is brutal to watch but feels so accurate, I have so much empathy for her mom and Fez and sister Gia (Storm Reid) and Lexi-really everyone in her life and it feels important to have a main character that you don’t always like and to remind yourself addiction is a disease and a lot of the things addicts do that you don’t like aren’t their fault. The scene where Rue and her mom are fighting and her mom pushes her I appreciated so much because you know how much her mom cares about her but everyone has a breaking point and I love that they showed that, usually they just show parents crying and sliding down a wall with their head in their hands and it just felt like a needed element. I want more with the sponsor but I also feel like that’s unfolding on a realistic timeline, it takes a while before you bring someone into your life and trust them and build a relationship where you turn to them.

The gender stuff could also fill a fucking book, but I will say, having characters who do not dumb anything down in dialogue and speak and make jokes and references that feel fresh and real about this stuff-I don’t know that I’ve ever seen before. Jules saying to her friend she visits, “No room for heteronormativity in here” when they assume the person she’s in love with/hooking up with is a guy, or Jules saying to Rue, “I love how I dressed you but I hope I’m not fucking up your gender expression” in the bathroom stall at prom (there’s a million other examples but I just watched the finale and I don’t feel like rewatching old episodes to cull quotes from them but I remember it happening multiple multiple times). It’s like they’re just starting from a point of understanding and whether you’re there or not it’s just going forward and they assume you will figure it out and get on board (like real life should work!!!!).

Fez (Angus Cloud) I would die for, 10/10 good person, I love him, basically every scene with him is heartbreaking because he’s just this ultimate caretaker and it feels like he has no one helping him. His ‘business partner’ is a child, he lives with his convalescent/bed-ridden Grandma, Rue is spoiler alert: a drug addict and is not always present for him/they have a dynamic that is pretty one sided right now (but I feel like we’re gonna learn more about their relationship next season). Earlier when I said I would marry Ethan I was wrong and I would marry Fez if love was real!!!! Mouse is horrifying to me and feels like personified evil, I wonder if we are going to have an insight to him as a fully realized character or if he remains the boogeyman. I can see either one. The fentanyl scene fucked me up.

Ok, this perhaps is an unpopular opinion because it’s wrong but I DO want Nate (Jacob Elordi) and Jules to get together. I want him to figure his shit out and realize he’s enacting his trauma on other people, get help/confront his fears/insecurities/dad, become a real person again (hopefully he was once?) then have a beautiful and sweet relationship with Jules. That’s what I want!!! Nate I have a lot of feelings about, the violence stuff is absolutely horrifying but the texting with Jules didn’t feel like a game, I genuinely think he’s in love with her he just doesn’t want to accept that part of himself. I was SO confused by his conversation with Rue outside the dance in the last episode, not the threats, that made perfect sense, but why did he keep insisting on telling her she looked really beautiful? That was really weird and I didn’t understand it fully. Nate is a really fascinating character to me. This is really neither here nor there but in Maddy (Alexa Demie)’s episode when they were describing Nate and said he had a list of things he wanted in girls, and it was oddly specific like down to long necks and no body hair, I thought that was so real-people construct this image of what they think they want that’s so specific and divorced from the reality of who they are or the reality of the world in a lot of ways.

Also, aside: Jules telling Rue she dresses like Seth Rogan 90% of the time is hilarious and I RESPECT them letting her wear baggy pants and converse with her sparkly dress!!!!! If she had been in full femme attire it wouldn’t have felt right and I just loved that, felt very accurate.

Cassie (Sydney Sweeney) having an abortion in the finale was an interesting choice, I don’t QUITE know why it was in there, (glad there hasn’t been a rape*, I don’t think we need any more people getting raped on tv/movies forever until the end of time), it didn’t really feel interesting or important to me? Is that callous? It was out of place with how I feel about the rest of the show-like that was a part I’ve felt like I’ve seen many times before, but maybe it was important to someone somewhere. Idk. Cassie is interesting to me, the way they showed both sides of the nudes/sex tapes, first from McKay’s (Algee Smith) side then hers was HEARTBREAKING, as was the reveal with her dad’s addiction. I also love that Cassie and Lexi are sisters, they’re such an interesting pair. The choice to make them friends is so strong, usually when one sister is hot(ter than the other) it’s a competition thing and they hate each other but to make them friends who fight occasionally but are mostly there for each other was cool in my book.

*The scene with Jules and Nate’s dad is legally rape bc of age of consent but it didn’t read as rape to me-I think it’s important to let people define and judge their own sexual experiences and it didn’t feel like Jules felt raped. I was speaking with a friend about this and we agreed that it was really difficult to watch but ultimately just felt like bad sex. Also as my friend pointed out, “anonymous sex is inherently less intimate and prone to [being bad in this way].” I do think other people could watch this scene and interpret it as rape and that’s understandable but personally I do not. 

We haven’t gotten a background on Lexi (Maude Apatow) yet and I cannot wait, I find her so intriguing and perhaps the most relatable? I want her and Rue to date!!!!!! I feel like that’s why we haven’t gotten a solely her episode yet, I think it’s coming and it will be huge and good.

Speaking of what I want, it is: Rue and Lexi to date, Jules and Nate, Kat and Ethan, Cassie to be single and devote herself to the ice, Maddy to find a sweet nerd (still hot) who isn’t a sociopath, Fez and me, McKay to go to therapy & figure his shit out and find social circles that aren’t so toxically male-dominated because the football/frat rushing experience was t r a u m a and I want more/better for him.

We haven’t gone deep into the lives of any of the parents really yet, and that’s a path most of the other teen shows go down, so I’m curious how much we’ll see of them. Jules’ and Rue’s mom & dad having a drink together I LOVED. It would feel too Brady Bunch if they started dating but I’m here for their adult friendship. Through the abortion I’m glad Cassie & Lexi’s mom got another dimension or two added to her that’s not just darker Amy Poehler mom from Mean Girls. Nate’s dad I guess is the exception but we haven’t seen anything from his perspective yet really just situations from other characters he’s been in.

Speaking of Nate’s dad, I like how they don’t make him the stereotype aggressive, controlling angry figure a lot of closeted tv sports dads usually are. That scene at the carnival where he pleads with Jules is so raw for both of them, it felt very human. Where she’s like, “I don’t have any reason to want to hurt you,” was a great reminder that people are good and sex is just bad sometimes. That first scene between them didn’t seem 100% great, like the anal seemed REALLY rough and was outside of the boundaries of what I would be comfortable with but everyone is different and it’s ultimately up to the people involved to set and decide what the experience was for them and Jules seemed ok? with it post.

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT the reason I wanted to write this review at all was to discuss the last scene of the finale??????? Making the entire first season a Zendaya music video was a BOLD and RISKY choice but ultimately, we stan. Do you know that I still listen to a YouTube playlist with Replay on it????? In 2019????? It’s also interesting that this show is a. based on an Israeli show with the same name and b. made by a man (Sam Levinson). Is that still allowed?? Drake also has a producer credit which is gross because it seems like he grooms girls and at the very LEAST is emotionally manipulative in relationships. When men are involved it does make me feel differently about choices surrounding sex stuff HOWEVER it’s not the only thing and some men aren’t evil (some) and so far everything has been handled incredibly well. Like the casting and the choices and honestly everything (except that abortion for me but I have the right to withhold full judgement until we see what the second season has and maybe there is a plan that this is a piece of that I will respect/like a lot). Also btw the song is called, “All of Us” and it has a Dylan Thomas allusion so I’m all about it and I’ve been listening to it on replay as I write this (see what I did there???).

Also, cannot believe I have gone this far without saying: Zendaya is so so soooo SO talented. The gravitas she brings to these scenes without words a lot of times, and the way she is able to endear this character to us immediately even when she isn’t being particularly likable, and how vulnerable, and how she can seem wise and naive at the same time—all of it, blows my gd mind and I want her to win everything. Also she started as a Disney star!!!! I saw someone else say this so it’s not my original thought, but to transition this gracefully into serious actor without having any scandal is essentially a pop culture miracle I cannot (and refuse to try) think of a single other Disney actor that has. Also thank god there’s trans characters and trans people are being hired for those roles. Anyway, everyone is great and Euphoria is great and I like that it’s on a tv schedule but hate that now I have to wait a long time to see more of it. (How does tv work? When is season 2?)

10/10 Gatorade bottles full of Everclear and Gatorade, would absolutely masturbate again. (Also if you want to turn this review into a fun drinking game where you go to the hospital, take a shot every time I say the word “interesting” !!!)

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Detective Pikachu


Hello! I haven’t written a review in what feels like a really long time but I’m doing The Artist’s Way right now (a standing ovation? For me? Thank you!!) and that lady really wants us all to just go for it so I’m not going to let the fact that I was high during this movie, or that I saw it yesterday and have now forgotten what little of it I did remember, stop me from writing what I’m sure will be a very confusing and rambling review!!!

Surprise: I loved this movie! Again, cannot stress enough that I was on drugs but I think I would have loved it anyway and I WILL be seeing it again. Maybe then I’ll have to add a little addendum that’s like, “Wow, hated it actually” but for now, I loved it baby!!!

The basic plot of this movie is that there is a man (Bill Nighy-why is his name that close to Bill Nye? I don’t like that this is allowed) who founded Ryme City where people and Pokémon coexist together in harmony- no trainers, no battles.

The first scene of the movie is a car accident that MewTwo (a psychic type, very powerful Pokémon who was cloned from the ancient Pokémon Mew) caused after he (no idea what Mew Two’s pronouns are) escaped from a glass/metal enclosure where he’s suspended in liquid. Loved that part it was awesome, great opening scene. Then we cut to two male friends, trying to catch a Pokémon. They do this not by fighting or battling or damaging it (which is customary) but just by throwing a Pokeball at it, because it is explained that capturing Pokémon here is more about ‘finding a connection.’ (It’s interesting how little fighting is in this movie which is clearly intentional). It doesn’t go great because the main character (a boy whose name I cannot remember for the life of me) has a BLOCK with Pokémon and he’s ‘done now’ etc. etc., hinting at a personally storied past with this topic!!!

Then we find out the person in the car accident was this guy’s dad. So he goes to Ryme City to connect with the apartment of his dead dad? I forget why he goes. To get closure & the mail? It’s unclear. When he’s there he meets a young white lady (that’s what we call the in-between years. Not a girl, not yet a woman. Everyone in this movie was 21 and I simply do not know what to do with that age) who clearly watched The Maltese Falcon to prepare for this role and nothing else.  She’s trying to be a reporter and thinks his Detective father was murdered because of the case he was investigating, right before he died. We also meet a Pikachu that was his dad’s old partner that the boy can understand.

Um then they try to investigate stuff? It honestly changes, first they believe the dad’s dead, then they think he’s not, then they go back, then there’s a fight because of maybe a betrayal, but then a twist that causes Pikachu to go back, and a citywide meltdown/evil plot but then it’s ok. Basically the guy from the beginning we thought was a cool old man had a disease that he tried to fix by transferring consciousness from his body into a Pokémon (because MewTwo can do that)-and there’s this purple gas (It’s part of the Prince States of Matter: Purple Rain, Purple Gas and Purple Solid) that makes the Pokémon’s brain’s chaotic enough for the transfer (a character literally says, “You can only do it when their brains are chaotic from the gas”) and the evil mayor does Macy’s Day Parade floats of Pokémon but they’re all filled with the gas because he wants everyone to transfer into their Pokémon. Whew. Classic man, trying to transfer a state of consciousness into a Japanese pocket monster to escape their own mortality. THIS is toxic masculinity ladies!!!! Also Camp. This is Camp.

I forget how they save it but they do. It feels unimportant. Earlier in the movie 9 Pokémon breathe this gas and it causes a chase scene that goes across multiple parts of the city but at the end hundreds of them breathe it and nothing really happens? Maybe they were tired. (The writers, not the Pokémon).

I really wanted to see Team Rocket and we didn’t. We didn’t get any original human characters and I hope that’s in the next one??? Where’s Brock and Misty and Ash??? Is he Ash? I just looked it up-he’s Tim Goodman?? Where is that name from? That’s like the Home Improvement version of Ash. Tim the Goodman Trainer/Tim the Toolman Taylor. It rhymes! (Ryme City bitch Ryme Ryme City Bitch).

Um: cool stuff- I liked the Pokémon fight scene in the metal cage (But as I alluded to before, there isn’t that much fighting, even in a fight scene in an underground battle ring- Pikachu ‘forgets’ how to use his powers and mostly just runs away) between Pikachu and that Charizard, it reminded me of the bar Wolverine fought in before he found the X-Men, and the Jet Li fight scenes in Unleashed, and also one episode of Dark Angel. I guess am learning that I just love fight scenes in metal cages. Next time I go on a first date, & he asks, “What are some things you like?” I’m gonna lead with that. I’ll let you know how it goes.

(Side note: When I was little there was a place my brother and I bought Pokémon/Yu-Gi-Oh cards & comic books from and they had a framed holographic Charizard card for a hundred dollars and I SERIOUSLY considered spending all my money on it and then had a moment where I was like, “This is not a good investment” and walked out of the store. But a close call for sure).

When the Ditto took the sunglasses off and was another person but with just hand-drawn black dots for eyes, that was horrifying and there were mostly children in the theatre so it’s cool they didn’t tone it down even though they knew it was nightmare fuel. I respect that. Also lol that for most of the movie the Ditto was played by supermodel Suki Waterhouse. There is something funny about picking someone who is professionally beautiful to play an amorphous shapeshifting blob.

The interrogation scene with the Mr. Mime was so funny and dark, it felt like what Deadpool wants to be (another Ryan Reynolds?? Is there not another man to do these? Do people love his voice? I find it pretty forgettable. I thought it was T.J. Miller at first and I was horrified, but it wasn’t). I also loved that they fake killed Mr. Mime after he gave them what they wanted. If he dies in the Mime does he die in real life?? Is miming his Matrix??

I liked how soft the Pikachu’s fur looked!!!! SO soft!!!!! And he was handheld sized so I really wanted to hold him. When he was falling from the sky in that last fight scene I held my hands out in the theatre to catch him. (Very high!!). I think they’re gonna sell a million stuffed animals that won’t be nearly as soft as they should be, and as a former child, that is upsetting.

It was fun to remember all the Pokémon! I haven’t watched that show since I was probably 16? 17? Is that too old? How old were we? And it’s cool to know my brain is still holding onto most of the evolutions of a bunch of made up animals. (I’m calling the Pokémon animals bc I don’t know what else to call them. If there’s a better term let me know). There’s one scene with a Flareon and my brain immediately popped up a flow chart of an Eevee to a Vaporeon to a Flareon) which now the internet is telling me is wrong and that there’s 5 evolutions of Eevee and they’re just all different forms which I absolutely reject.

The Jigglypuff singing karaoke at one place was a nice touch, and the Psyduck as the girl’s sidekick (psydkick) was great because they were always such fun comic buildup & release. I like how they stayed true to how physical & gag-y the humor of the original show was. Honestly though the funniest part of this movie to me was at the very end when Tim decides to stay and live with his dad (spoiler he’s not dead! He’s also Ryan Reynolds!! Sorry I spoiled it) and they’re at the train station and he asks if he can stay and the dad says yes so Tim walks to the trashcan and just throws his ticket away??? I laughed aloud. It’s such a weird moment. Like at least give it to someone else? Or sell it for half price? Or save it to see if you can transfer the credit or something. Neither of you have jobs now!! Very weird.

Two things that feel important to say: I did not see the trailer. After the movie was over, a lot of the people I saw it with were comparing their ideas of it to what they thought from the trailer, or things that were different, and I had no expectations at all, I didn’t even know if the Pokémon were going to be able to talk. The first six minutes of the movie in my head I was like, “What if the detective can’t talk and the whole thing is that scene from The Wire where they solve the crime just by saying ‘fuck’ but instead it’s an animal saying, “Pikachu????” That would be terrible, I’m glad he could talk and it made sense how they contrived that. But that was a huge problem with getting this movie made I bet, because the Pokémon do not talk in the cartoon, but it’d be awful to try and make a full length movie where the main character can only say his name. I liked that they addressed why he could talk and I thought they did it in an elegant way that made sense.

The second thing is that I wished there was more MUSIC. How do you make the city Ryme City and not have at least two original songs? The theme song from the cartoon is so iconic, I was shocked at the lack of music. Anytime something exciting started to happen, music would start and I was VERY ready for a cool song to play that I would love but it felt like they faded out the music/songs really quickly?? And they were so good in those initial moments but then not satisfying at all. I loved the Diplo cameo, and really wanted him to do more, both musically and sexually in this movie. (I am fascinated by Diplo in a way that feels potentially unhealthy).

I just watched the trailer to see and I loved it! I love this movie. It was very fun and funny! There are good jokes in there. I can’t think of anything I didn’t like. The main character of this movie was born in 1995 and that feels wrong, but that’s not his fault.

4/5 Dugtrios, would masturbate again.

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Russian Doll


!!!! I loved it!!!! So much attention to detail, so interesting and beautiful and well-made. Complex but not trying to be just for the sake of complexity! Very rare these days!!! Eight episodes was perfect, Farran was hot, Oatmeal was the perfect name for that cat, what more could you want???

Natasha Lyonne plays Nadia and Charlie Barnett plays Alan, two people who die but then keep coming back to life in their bathrooms to relive the same day over and over until they die at the same time. (Same time as each other, different times each day). Eventually they meet in an elevator and realize they’re linked in this Groundhog’s Day Death Parade and begin to try to help each other and figure it out.

Nadia keeps coming back during her 36th birthday party, thrown for her by her friend Maxine (Greta Lee) whose eye makeup and comedic timing are so perfect you fall in love with her each time even as she is tasked with singing “Birthday Babyyy” in a torturous loop. Over time we learn Nadia is superstitious about this birthday because it is the one where she outlives her mother, brilliantly played in a single episode (Maybe two?) by Chloe Sevigny. Her mother was erratic and mentally ill and eventually had to surrender the care of Nadia to her friend/therapist Ruth (Elizabeth Ashley) then died a year later.

We begin with Nadia and don’t learn until a few episodes in that she shares this repetitive fate with Alan, a man forced to return to the night he was going to propose to his girlfriend (Dascha Polanco) but finds out she is cheating on him, is broken up with, and ultimately decides to kill himself.

There are interesting intersections and overlaps between their lives, Alan plays one of the video games Nadia coded, Nadia fucked the man Alan’s girlfriend was cheating on him with, they’re both deathly allergic to bees-but most notable is their respective relationships with Farran (Ritesh Rajan). He is Alan’s longtime friend and Nadia’s deli guy who has joint custody of her cat.

There’s so many twists and turns each of them try to go down to fix what’s happening, only to be met with a wrong answer in the form of death. Nadia drags this guy John (Yul Vazquez) she broke up with to a synagogue to see if Maxine’s apartment is haunted, she also keeps getting blown up in Ruth’s apartment by a gas leak trying to get a book for his daughter. In all these mistrials we learn more about each of them. Nadia is headstrong and independent to a fault, never allowing anyone to help her and always choosing herself over others. Alan is more isolating in his refusal to get help, remaining in a relationship for nine years despite not communicating his worries and feelings of failure with her and refusing to get therapy. (If any of this sounds like you, do everyone a favor and get therapy!!!).

I also loved how the more they entered each other’s lives, the more details about people they thought they knew shook loose-like how Alan learned about Mike, or that Farran’s girlfriend cheated on him in the beginning of their relationship, or how Alan told Lizzy that Nadia felt bad for telling her not to adopt the Bullmastiff puppies. I liked that reminder that you can feel like you know someone really well but truthfully they’re responding to you in a pattern and if you break up the pattern you’ll get a different response. I think that’s a helpful reminder.

Normally I post about the plot and what happens but I don’t really feel the need to do a recap with this, so I’ll just say all the things I liked.

That fucking bathroom door. Carved wood with a lit blue gem abyss and a working gun handle??? Hello??? Incredible. (Also the overhead bathroom shot where they shared a wall was so satisfying it made me breathe different). Lizzy, (Rebecca Henderson) was amazingly performed and written-the dialogue in general was knockout. There’s a part where Nadia is talking to Farran about a script he is writing and he says he’s caught up on dialogue and it makes him feel as if he doesn’t know how people talk and she says it’s like breathing, if you start paying too much attention to it you fuck it up-it only highlighted how INCREDIBLE the dialogue in this was, everyone felt real and had depth and was funny and endearing and succinct and fresh. Every SINGLE character, even Lizzy’s hookup who gives Alan the scarf and probably has three lines in the whole thing, felt like a fully formed unique person. No one felt like a trope or something you’ve seen before or a throwaway.

That was one of my favorite things about this, how intentional everything felt. There were these thematic echoes that I’m sure had meaning if I thought about it more but I just enjoyed feeling of being taken care of in the world-like the fish in both Maxine and Alan’s place. And the color of the title cards, when it was just Nadia they were red, then when we started with Alan they were light blue, then them together was this light pink. The one with her mother was burnt orange and the final episode with their potential Real Deaths were black. I live for that shit.

I do also need to take a moment to commend whoever did the styling and makeup for this show. Natasha Lyonne’s makeup was honestly almost a character in this for me-the first time she dies, she looks SO striking-the angle of her head and the severity of the eye makeup was magical. Also it became a marker for the resets, the longer she went without dying the more messy and faded it became, then when she would reappear in the bathroom it was intense and fresh again. Maxine’s blue negative space eyeliner??? her whole outfit–gauzy blue sleeves with a delicate gold chainmail overlay with STIRRUP pants and camel leather slides?????, Lizzy’s white overalls with her pixie cut and charcoal v-neck, also that lite bondage lingerie piece Natasha wears in the scene where she fucks Alan MADE me want to go buy a bra with straps which I’ve NEVER understood before. Everyone’s outfit fit them perfectly and communicated something about them and was so GOOD. 90 percent of the time clothes are boring or just regurgitating trend. To see something unique and communicative, it literally sang to me. The shade and shape of Natasha Lyonne’s hair in this movie and the line about her being the amalgam of Andrew Dice Clay and the girl from Brave was absolutely everything. The writing in this thing!!!! (Ketchup and Mustard for the fish names were great and I loved that we never learned Alan’s fish’s name!!!)

I loved how the fruit was dying?? And that we only got a mini lecture on the time space continuum and dimensionality and that a woman gave it to us.

Also lol how everyone was fucking Mike (Jeremy Lowell Bobb) (lol) and he was awful!! The line, “You’re the hole where a choice should be” was such an interesting way to describe that destructive relationship a lot of people find themselves falling into. I loved Nadia’s roof speech where Alan is like, “Do you promise if I don’t jump I’ll be happy?” and she’s like, “Absolutely not but I do promise you won’t be alone.” That shift from happiness to community was really cool to me and then at the end, even though they did fuck, they weren’t holding hands as they walked under the tunnel together, they were just walking beside each other and I like that romantic relationships weren’t the solution in this case, simply people seeing you and caring. Like I don’t think they end up together in the end and I love that- I think they’re just friends and as someone turning 30 who values so many of my close friendships and doesn’t think I’m ready for a romantic partnership in the way I would want to have one, I loved it!!!!

I loved the detail that the homeless guy (Brendan Sexton III) always came to the realization that he wanted to cut her hair, that was such an interesting piece of this. His character was one of my favorite because he was one of the only ones who morphed depending on timeline, you couldn’t tell if he was good or harmful or what his deal was. His power dynamic kept shifting as well, sometimes he needed protection (when she kept someone from stealing his shoes), sometimes he was in the position of helper (when he had Oatmeal), and sometimes he seemed a little nefarious (when he brought drunk Alan back to his friends and it felt like they were going to rob him). He was the only one who kept coming up who didn’t know them personally, but Nadia thought she recognized him in the first episode, then in the last episode he is the horse in the death parade so maybe he’s a God figure or some other-worldly element. I’d have to think about it more or watch it again and right now I’m happy just to bask in the art.

The artistry of it was incredible, the ideas not too far behind. I REALLY enjoyed this, I worry that it is a series and they will make more and I’ll be disappointed I kind of want to live in this perfect bubble but maybe they’ll make more and they’ll be great or maybe they’ll never make any more and I’ll be sad. Life is about not knowing and accepting change and telling people you love them and looking for cats!! This review wasn’t funny, only earnest and it’s because I haven’t done one in a while and I keep expelling bloody mucus because I’m sick with a virus but also sentimentality. Ok bye!

152,780.86 out of 152,780.86 gold Krugerrands, will masturbate again.






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A Star Is Born


lead_720_405I loved it!! It was so fucking SAD though. I knew it was a remake (of a remake!) but didn’t know really anything about the story/what it was about.

Don’t keep reading if you don’t like or want spoilers!

SO very generally, Lady Gaga (Ally) is a cater waiter with her best friend (Anthony Ramos) and he also runs a monthly drag show where she sings in French. In a literal turn (right turn to be exact) of fate, a famous alcoholic musician (Bradley Cooper as Jackson Maine) stops in and gets a drink and ends up seeing Ally perform. They connect (she splays out on the bar in front of him and stares unblinkingly into his eyes) and her friend makes him stay after to meet her.

They have a whirlwind night where she punches someone in the face then sings to him in a parking lot, and he invites her to his show but she turns it down saying she has to go to work and sleep (very reasonable). While walking away from the car, we get the very memed portion of the film where he’s like, “Hey!” then after she turns around he’s like, “I just wanted to get one more look at you” and she runs her hand along her nose.

Once she gets back inside her home we get a better feel for the rest of her life. Her dad also wanted to be a singer but never made it, and became embittered about the state of “Hollywood/the Business” and how it’s not really about talent, but about looks and charisma. This clearly hurts Ally, and it seems like she hears it as, “you’re not beautiful enough to succeed.”

Then she goes to work but her boss is a dick, (go figure!!!) so she quits and gives into the chauffeur who was hired by Jack and has been following her around for like 10 hours now, and she and her BFF go to the show.

They get there right during the performance and he invites her on stage to sing the song she sang in the parking lot. He has arranged it and is gonna do it ‘with or without’ her. So-let’s pause here for a minute. This worked out fine, and I’m sure a lot of people were like, “aw!!” but this annoyed me–if anyone did this to me (took something I created and shared privately, then did their own thing with it without my input/telling me, then was gonna perform it on a huge public platform without my consent) I would be very angry. But it worked for her-some people just need a “push,” idk, so she goes on stage with him and sings her part (it’s a duet now, lol) and guess what, she’s talented and amazing and it goes great.

Also someone recorded it and put it in YouTube and it is rackin’ up the views. (Probably the funniest scene in the whole movie to me was when her dad and his friends are like, “And this number is how many people have seen it-how they know that?” Then every time a new person comes in they’re like, “Did you know this is how many people have seen it?” very cute). Jack invites her on tour with him and she sings songs she’s written and they duet, etc. etc. It’s going great!

At some point in the tour a famous manager (this is code for evil!!!!) comes up to her and is like, “I think you’re great, we wanna sign you.” She tells Jackson and he smashes a pie in her face, which again, to me this is rude as hell!!! I thought this was incredibly disrespectful but she seemed ok with it?? Hard to tell because she was joking around like, “You jealous bastard” but then did this thing where she made him fall over into a wall because he was drunk? Hard to read tone there. I hated it in my core, but I’m not dating him!

So she’s signed, and surprise! They have *ideas* about how to make her more marketable as an artist. She pushes back but still does a lot of them, like they want her to go blonde and she goes red (or actually like a Vitamin C orange but u know), and they want her to do choreo and she does but she loses the dancers, that kind of thing. So Ally’s working on her album and releasing singles, etc. ALSO they get married at Dave Chappelle’s house (engaged then married at a church then they go clubbing) and the wedding is pretty and they give Jackson Maine black friends so you know he’s the good kind of Southern.

Ally gets SNL and nominated for a Grammy, (huge week girl!!!) but as her star rises, his keeps fading. Jack gets demoted from singing at the Grammy’s to playing guitar in the background (shameful!) and other stuff. Also his alcoholism (which has been like another character this whole time!) feels like it’s ramping up as well. He punches his brother (SAM ELLIOTT who will NEVER not be Wade Garrett from Road House to me) in the face which makes his brother quit, and other stuff. Have you ever seen a movie show someone’s alcoholism? It’s that. The worst probably though is a scene in the bathtub where Jack comes in to congratulate Ally on getting nominated for a Grammy and she’s like, “How do you know that?” bc he’s drunk and they haven’t talked and he ends up saying he’s embarassed of her music and she gets mad and says something about his dad and he pops off and calls her ugly and she yells at him to get out.

Sidenote: If a woman is having sex with you, you can’t call her ugly, you simply cannot. 

One of my favorite things about this movie that I haven’t seen other people talk about (I also haven’t read any other reviews, so that might be part of it) is how POP music is talked about & viewed. Like ok, when she’s touring with him and doing songs on the road they’re these kind of soul power ballads, then her singles for her album are mostly pop. A hugely significant scene in the movie is when we see Jack seeing her perform on SNL and she’s singing a song called “Why Did You Do That?” of which some of the lyrics are, “Why do you look so good in those jeans?/Why’d you come around me with an ass like that?” and the chorus goes,

“Why did you do that, do that, do that, do that Do that to me?
Why did you do that, do that, do that, do that
Do that to me?
Why did you do that, do that, do that, do that
Do that to me?
Why did you do that?
Why did you do that?”

and he walks out. To me, it is intentionally asinine to show a difference between the music he encourages in her and the music the label encourages in her but people really like this song and have been playing it at parties recently, and I’m self-aware enough to know that even though I don’t like this particular song I LOVE songs that are essentially the exact same song as this: repetitive and sexual and shallow (which lol, that’s the name of the “good” song actually). But it’s really clear Jack doesn’t respect these new songs (not usually great when your husband doesn’t respect your art) but she’s proud of them and she can write both. I just think people denigrate pop and don’t allow that as a genre it just values different things.

As a smart person who loves pop (never thought I’d type that out) I think the pretension people have around most music is stupid and wrong but in this movie I was like, “Oh but these songs are objectively worse than the other songs” so that’s interesting. His big thing seemed to be ‘what are you SAYING’ that’s what he thought was an artist’s biggest contribution. There was a whole thing with his brother about how he stole his brother’s voice which I didn’t entirely understand but it seemed to be that his brother didn’t have a message and he did and that made it okay. And with Ally he gave her this big speech before he got so drunk he defecated himself on a nationally televised live event where he was like, “People like the way you say things, and you don’t know how long they’ll be listening” and that’s why the SNL thing was so devastating to him because he said that and then her song was about someone’s ass.

A big thing then was that at the Grammy’s he got loaded and she won for Best New Artist and he came on stage with her as she’s giving her speech and pisses himself and falls down and then she’s cleaning him up instead of basking in her moment and her dad gets mad at him, etc. So that was the impetus for him to go to rehab, and he does and she visits him and he’s so sad and sorry but she doesn’t care because she loves him.

Then he comes home and it feels like they get ONE FUCKING DAY of happiness before her manager who I hate (my takeway from this is that all managers are evil and I never want one and now I understand why a lot of famous people’s managers are their mom & shit because who else can you trust????) basically tells Jack that he’s bringing Ally down and it’d be better for her career if she wasn’t with him so he KILLS HIMSELF and obviously that’s not the best thing and it’s devastating and she sings a tribute love song that he wrote for her and then I think it ends (I saw it like 4 days ago and I already forgot).

One thing I did appreciate was that they didn’t do this suicide porn thing that’s been happening since the dawn of time where they just WALLOW in the details and show all this shit- they don’t even really show his body except a slice through the garage door window. They also don’t show her processing or finding out, the next scene is after it’s been a little bit. They don’t show her finding him and I actually loved that choice.

Something that’s been pointed out by people I like and respect is how parasitic they portray her success, like as soon as she starts to rise he starts to fall and it makes it seem like that was a cause of it, not like alcoholism is a serious disease that’s no one’s fault and that was gross because women’s success isn’t a detriment to their partners actually even though sometimes people can turn it into that, but that’s on you!!

Gaga did have a lovely cadre of gays and I am forever happy that she gives opportunities/voice to the lgbtq community because they made her who she is and it’s good to honor/not forget that. Obviously I did not *love* that a huge narrative of this movie is that she’s “not pretty enough” bc she is literally a thin white woman who fits every standard of beauty except she just has a big nose and maybe that’s why she was a good choice to replace Streisand, but it can’t be good for anyone to watch that and have everyone agree, “Yeah she’s not a looker” and then think about what that means for you, but every movie isn’t going to save the world I guess.

I have not read the article about Bradley Cooper wiping the makeup off her face in the audition, but I’m sure I would hate it. As we are incredibly aware, just because you can make good art (I did like this movie) doesn’t mean in any way you are a person to be trusted or good at all. I’m sure if I was at a dinner party with Bradley Cooper and intersectional feminism came up there would be some wincing on my part, but that’s just a hunch, maybe he’s Good. No clue.

I do wish someone had told me how sad it was? I thought it was just gonna be one of these musical dramas with a little arc and then a little bow on the end and maybe a shot of them singing their song as old has beens while the next hot young thing makes it, I was NOT emotionally prepared for what I went through and I had to eat an entire pizza afterwards to get over it. Also I hate the poster, the poster is ugly.

4/6 guitar string wedding rings, would masturbate again.



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Didn’t like it. I don’t know why I feel the need to be vocal about it though, because I want to just let people have it, if it meant something to you I’m happy, and the last like 8-10 minutes were very powerful, but the HOUR before that just wasn’t funny to me. I wish it was a much shorter talk or lecture because I loved some of the points she made, but it wasn’t really stand up to me, and I read an article that was like, “this changes stand up!!” but I don’t know, stand up is just talking with jokes in it and there weren’t very many at the end which was the best part and the ones that were at the beginning I didn’t really like.

Also there were a lot of sweeping things she said about comedy in general that I didn’t think were true/agree with. Like, ok FOR YOU comedy made you see your coming out as one thing and “sealed the trauma” but a lot of people, myself included, use comedy to actively process things as they’re happening and after the fact. And the idea that comedy can never tell the end because the resolution isn’t funny, idk Mike Birbiglia has built a pretty successful career on telling very inclusive nuanced stories that are very hinged on the ending, and lol that I’m using Mike Birbiglia to prove a point because he’s not really my favorite either, but just–that statement isn’t really true.

I love that she’s telling her story, I liked a lot of the connections and points she made, all the stuff about humanity vs. reputation and how gender plays into who we allow to tell our stories and what that says about us, but again, I wish that had all been a 42 minute TED talk not an hour plus stand up special. Because when you call it stand up I expect to laugh and I didn’t really, outside of 4-5 times. I nodded at things and I empathized, and valued her, but I wasn’t laughing.

I also didn’t like her delivery. She laughed after almost every thing she said in the first hour, and it felt like a mollification and it bothered me. Just say the joke. And the thing she said about self-deprecation, no one made you do that type of comedy. Just change it if you don’t like it. And it bothers me to make a special about how you need to quit comedy. Stop telling me why you need to quit comedy. I did not like that as the thematic refrain. Just quit then. Or do a play. It really rubbed me the wrong way.

Also the whole, meet people with love and humanity-I get it, and sometimes yes, but not all the times. Sometimes that’s just the same respectability politics shit. And the “anger is never productive” thing, ummm, sometimes it is. When it’s civil disobedience and protest and organized political action it is. It’s funny because she said Picasso’s mistake was that he assumed his experience spoke for everyone but that’s kind of what she did too, she assumed problems and solutions based on her experiences which while very valid aren’t the complete picture. And again, I’m not trying to negate any part of her experience, have it- I’m glad to learn and know about it, but structurally and stylistically it did not work for me.

I mean, even the name thing bothered me. You named it after a girl you thought was interesting but turned out not to be? Ok? Honestly, I would like it more if she never tried to explain it at all and left it a mystery but to give a one line, “Ah yeah it means this, not that big of a deal” feels so unartistic to me.

I did like her as a person and I’m happy if someone needed to hear what she was saying. But so much of it I didn’t like. Also the refrain of “not enough lesbian content” it clearly bothered her SO much a woman said that to her and instead of writing a joke about it, she just told us about it, then retold a bunch of jokes about her being a lesbian she wrote a while ago, then referenced that woman at the end of all of them with that line, then went BACK to tell us that telling those things wasn’t her whole truth and was limiting to her.

Why go through all that just to get there, why not just tell the whole truth the first time? And make it funny? Idk clearly it’s not my sense of humor. It felt very jilted to me, like stop and go stop and go. Joke, story, little fact, joke, aside, etc. etc. I felt like she had flashcards and was reading from them for an hour and then in the last eight minutes had a cohesive thought. Before that there was no pacing or build for me, it was stop start stop start then an on-ramp to the highway out of nowhere. Also, a lot of the pieces building up to that I have heard many times before. Like the Madonna/Whore complex thing, I’ve heard that a lot so it wasn’t *personally* groundbreaking, I’m glad if someone heard it for the first time but I have many times.

Some things I did like: I DID like how she said her sensitivity is a strength, and “why is being insensitive the goal?” something like that. It was funny to me how much she didn’t like Picasso and when she was talking about Cubism and how much we all need it and how we all write about it in our gratitude journals. It was funny the first time she said it but then she KEPT saying it, like going way too long on the same punchline/joke. That happened a lot. I truly loved the end like I said. I also liked the line, that lesbians just used to be women who didn’t laugh at men’s jokes. That is a very funny (& true!) observation. I liked her outfit a lot, I don’t know if that counts but I did. Navy blue on navy blue is a bold choice and I respected that. She did have a lot of good lines, it just felt like they were wasted, thrown into this abyss of other talking that didn’t build on them at all and wasn’t connected to itself. Yes, it was all connected in the most general sense that it was her life and ideas but in terms of thematic and articulated thought, it was pretty touch and go.

She did this at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest and I honestly see it fitting that better, and I know she’s performing it in New York as like a one woman show and I think that’s good (I still think it needs some editing) but for a comedy special? For someone who understands how labeling & contextualizing art (Post-Impressionist, Cubist, Modernism) is important to critical reception, this seems an oversight/mistake. It’s a powerpoint presentation with jokes in it but not a stand up special. TO ME, I can already feel people (women) hating this, and I hope no men are taking this as validation if they were uncomfortable that they’re right and just to dismiss it, because don’t do that, that would be a mistake.

I did learn from it and I guess I’m glad I watched it but I’m allowed to not like something and still think it has value or can teach something. There’s a lot in there that was/is good for people to hear, myself included, and I hope they did/do hear it. But that doesn’t make it funny or good comedy. Also I already saw a meme being shared that was her being like, “I don’t identify as a man or a woman, I identify as tired” which, isn’t that a street joke by now? I feel like I’ve heard that a million times already and I don’t like it. It feels like the gender version of those kitchen signs white women have about it being wine o’clock.

Also, I am a straight white woman, I did not grow up with a marginalized identity, certainly not one that was illegal where I lived til only like 21 years ago, that feels like it bears saying. I also haven’t been doing stand up 10 years (halfway there though!). But I DO consider myself an expert at Netflix. Also having opinions, I’m very good at that.

Look, if you loved this, I’m not trying to take anything from you. If you didn’t love it because you didn’t like the things it made you think and feel, maybe examine that and I hope you don’t take this review as permission not to do so. But if you respect what she’s trying to do/did but it just didn’t tickle your funny bone the way Comedy is supposed to, then this review is for you. Also, I get it about Picasso and I HATE when people rape other people (it’s the worst!) but it seems insane to me that she didn’t at least mention Guernica ONCE to just be like, “he is a monster but he did this one good thing.” Am I Joe Rogan now?

2 out of 5 medicated sunflowers, would not masturbate again.


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I loved this movie!!!!! It was truly nuts. A lot of people are calling this a horror movie which it definitely is, but people keep asking if it’s “scary” which is not the word I would use. I think it’s very TENSION filled (amazingly so, the pacing and build is capital A, Artful) and it does have conceptual horror where you have to sit with ideas that are disturbing, but there’s not that many gore/jump scare moments. There’s definitely a little girl being decapitated by a telephone pole, and a pigeon being decapitated by said little girl. But most of the other scary things are just REALIZATIONS you have which is SO COOL.

Ok so-basic plot: Toni Collette (a goddess on this earth who’s never made a bad movie, including xXx: Return of Xander Cage) is a woman who builds tiny scenes for a job (white people) and has a very fucked up family history. The almost first scene in the movie (the very first scene is a zoom-in on the brother waking up in a dollhouse that the whole movie takes place in which I will get to later) is their family going to the funeral for Toni’s mom. She gives this REALLY strange eulogy about what a private person her mom was, and that even talking about her seems like a betrayal. She comments on how she’s honestly suspicious of how many people attended and how she doesn’t know any of them. It’s nuts, it feels so awkward but no one seems to care. We also see a symbol everywhere, Toni and her mom both have it on a necklace and it’s hanging up in certain places as ornamentation for the service.

We learn some stuff at the funeral: the daughter draws, and she has a nut allergy. In the most relatable two minutes ever filmed, the little girl (who looks like the white boy from Stranger Things? Gaten Matarazzao? Am I alone in this?) opens a chocolate bar and takes a bite and her dad immediately is like, “Are there nuts in that? You know you can’t have nuts” and she’s like, “No” and then A HALF SECOND LATER her mom walks up and is like, “Are there nuts in that? Cause we don’t have the EpiPen” and the amount of times my parents would ask me the same question back to back growing up was innumerable.

Ok so they go home, we’re like getting to know this family, the brother is older and seems angsty and weird but also normal. He likes a girl in his class, he has a mole, he’s closer to his dad, it all checks out.

Slowly we learn some more stuff. (Through an amazing monologue) we learn the mom (whose name is Annie btw) was made to come to grief counseling at a different time and she thinks it’s bullshit but she also doesn’t want to put any more pressure on her family. Her brother killed himself, her mom and her were estranged, the mom (Ellen) was weird but moved in with Annie at the end, and Annie’s dad killed himself too I think. She (Toni/Annie) used to sleepwalk and one time woke up covered in lighter fluid at the foot of her son’s bed, where he and his sister were also covered in lighter fluid and she was holding a lit match. She blew it out and apologized/tried to explain but she feels like her son never forgave her & thinks she hates him. In a dream thing later we learn that she never wanted him but her mom made her have him.

Ok so hopefully if you’re reading this you’ve seen the movie, normally I go through and say what happened but I’m finding it really difficult to do that because I saw it a few days ago and the timeline has already left me, but also because so much happens. BUT what I do want to talk about is my thoughts and FEELINGS about the movie because that’s what’s been sitting with me and I want to share.

Ok, so. This movie I think was brilliant in a lot of ways because it lived in this ambiguity where you never knew *quite* who you could trust, (playing with trust of the narrator when the protagonist is a woman is so interesting, it made me wonder about if the main character in  One Flew Over a Cuckoo’s Nest was a woman would reader reaction have been the same?) and what was really happening. To me this movie was a rumination on the intersections of mental illness/family/religion, and where the lines are for behavior becoming harmful, namely when does something shift from regular religion to cult or from human behavior to classified illness. It seems to be when it hurts your family or you prioritize it over the people in your life. The biggest question to me throughout this whole thing was: was Toni Collette (& her mother) mentally ill and imagining/creating these things, or was there a supernatural cult thing happening and they were really communing with the spirit of the devil king?

The title of the movie is one of my favorite things about it because you think it’d be a clue to the answer but actually it supports both- hereditary can mean “determined by genetic factors/able to be passed on from parents to their offspring or descendants” (which would be the mental illness theory, that the mom and the daughter both had schizophrenia and were seeing things that weren’t really there) but ALSO it can mean, “a person holding a position by inheritance” LIKE the Devil King inheriting the body of the child and taking human form!! Supporting the ‘it’s all really happening’ theory. Also, Toni’s brother killed himself and she assumes it’s mental illness/he was unhinged but she says in the grief counseling meeting that he said his mom was “trying to put people inside of him” LIKE THE SPIRIT OF THE DEVIL- so it’s hard to tell whose reality was valid.

One of the most horrifying parts of the movie was Joan. If there was a group of people I swore I could always trust it’d be middle-aged women in linen but apparently not so. The idea that she must have been following Toni Collette for SO LONG—like from when she went to grief counseling for the FIRST time, when her mom was still alive to know about that group and WAITED her out?? And in that art supply parking lot??? Jesus lord. Also who forced Toni to go the first time I wonder?

Steve (Toni’s husband) I trusted the whole time. Also the funniest part of the movie was when he was going up to the attic and Toni was like, “And there’s more” and he was like, “More than the headless dead corpse of your mother in the attic? of course there is.” But like ok, STEVE–did she burn him to death?? I think they made it a bottle of lighter fluid to remind you that this was something she has almost done before/was potentially capable of doing within a delusion. But also it could have been the spirit!!! Tricky.

Also I loved the little girl I thought she was an incredible actress and so INTERESTING. She made so much of the relatively short screen time she had- and honestly with not that many lines either, the physicality was fuggin’ on point, I mean, the way she escalated her breathing episode in the car was a masterpiece, I can’t remember the last time I was that stressed out over something that wasn’t happening to me.

That 12 minute chunk that began with the close up of the girls at the party chopping walnuts (walnuts is their Chekhov’s gun!!!) and ended with the telephone pole beheading, was again some of the most artful build of tension and emotional pitch I have ever seen. I was STRESSING. 

Also did she voodoo doll herself? Because she liked to make all those little totems and she was really close with the grandmother who was a Magic Priestess Queen or something (what was the field of flames thing? I forget what that was) and she cut the head off that pigeon and put it in an altar thing on her desk then SHE got beheaded. Coincidence?? I felt like the grandma possessed her and made her sacrifice herself. Also maybe it’s just all the oversized hoodies and dead birds and chocolate but I really identified with that little girl.

To return to the crux of this whole thing- there’s basically two stories that it could have been. Either it’s mental illness-which would mean, Toni dug up her mother and put her in the attic, her mother killed her father, she killed her husband-it’s this cycle of the disease. OR if the religion/cult thing is real, everything we saw is true and she tried to save them but the spirit possessed the daughter and killed her to eventually get the son to break to be weak enough to be inhabitable as a body.

Visually: The shot of the bike on the ground outside the house when the mom is in the car and watches Peter go inside then drives to grief counseling is BREATHTAKING. Some of those larger tracking shots of like the forrest and stuff were models I’m pretty sure, which is also fascinating. Also I love the little circle picture windows that were in the scenes she made and in the real house they lived in, it blurred the line of what was what and made everything look like a creepy dollhouse.

We cannot forget the element of these little houses and scenes being built, of which the whole story takes place (remember that zoom-in from the beginning??) and that would support the idea that it’s mental illness, everything we witness is part of Toni’s construction, she’s creating all the elements in this world, and pulling all the strings. I wonder if the pressure she felt from the gallery represented the real world closing in-maybe that and the deaths made her snap? I wish I could remember what play they were discussing in Peter’s history class in the beginning I’m sure it has thematic significance and would be a good clue here. Can someone tell me? I don’t remember and can’t find it. They were saying a long name that began with an E maybe? Euripides? And the class discussion revolved around guilt/moral absolution of blame based on intent? I think? And what were the words the little girl wrote on the walls everywhere? They were in another language and maybe they were the grandmother working through her either to make possession easier or to give Paimon (the devil king) handholds in this realm? The mom painted them into the lil replicas too. Um lol also canNOT believe she recreated the car accident with the bloody head, that felt like WorldStar shit, but emotionally. You get it.

The son leaving the sister in the car for them to FIND, and going to bed without telling them was UNREAL. Then the petty part of me couldn’t help but notice that she did it to him later with the dad after he immolated, she didn’t warn Peter, he just found him. I felt like that was intentional even if subconsciously. That scene at the dining room table where she screams at him was so incredible and real. Toni Collette is an incredible actress. That scene and the monologue she gives at grief counseling were like a master class in emotional pitch and control and range (she has the range!!!).

I missed what the obituary notice in the beginning said, did it have any clues? I was finishing a tweet and missed it. 😉 The note the grandma left was apologizing for not being able to explain things and that she would understand and all the things she’d done would pale in comparison to the rewards so I think she did murder the husband but it was to set their family up for all of eternity with the leader of the apocalypse on Earth? That’s sweet.

Annie’s mom made her have the baby (Peter who she didn’t want) so she could have a host body, but Annie never let her near him. Then with the second child she “sunk her claws in her” immediately, and I think made her die ultimately so the spirit could possess Peter. (Lololol that the disembodied spirit of the devil preferred a male host. Is it commentary that men are the root of all evil or that even in a spirit realm independent of time and space there’s stil sexism?? We’ll never know!!!)

Also from the Wikipedia page, this is insane: “On Anzac Day in 2018, the trailer for Hereditary played before the PG-rated family film Peter Rabbit in a cinema in Innaloo, Western Australia. According to a report in The Sydney Morning Herald, the Hereditary preview was accidentally shown to family audiences and created a small panic in the theater. The theater was apparently full of families including ‘at least 40 children.” Lol, whoops!

Anyway, honestly I’m giving it 5 out of 5 decapitated pigeon heads, would certainly masturbate again.

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Loved. Along with Venom, this is a summer blockbuster where a man is violent because of something on his body he can’t control. Logan Marshall-Green plays Grey Trace (which is A. the most fake male protagonist character name in the world AND B. a weird mixture of the name of the role I know and love him from, TREY, Ryan’s older and troubled brother on The O.C.) is a house husband (I lovedddd that they never gave him a career) to the love of his life, Asha.

Asha works for a tech company making body parts for soldiers injured in combat-also we are in the future btw-and a lot of money. She has a car that drives itself and a lot of love for her husband. Grey (husband) loves working with his hands, fixing up cars and complaining about technology. They are a classic pair: hot smart girl and curmudgeonly old grandpa inside the body of a hot man.

Asha gets home from work and wants to sit down, order pizza and do more work, but Grey has to drop off a car to a rich client who lives under a rock (very literally) and he needs her to come with so she can drive him back. They go, meet the guy who is a blonde weird introvert genius who is building a cloud when we walk in. Asha knows who he is (something Keane–the imdb is listing people alphabetically right now which I hate, and I’m not gonna sift through) and gushes a lil. He is still weird but opens up and shows them his newest project, a little mechanical bug called Stem that can control anything. It’s a system? Who knows. Grey hates that, they leave.

While driving home, they decide to have sex in the car because it’s driving itself but suddenly realize the car isn’t going home, it’s going to New Crown, Grey’s old neighborhood and a Bad Part of Town. They try to stop the car but can’t and it crashes into a tented area for homeless people. Immediately, a bunch of dudes with masks and knives pull them from the car. Grey is immobilized on the ground and they murder his wife in front of him. No matter how far into the future you go, there will always be someone who murders your wife right in front of you! Very annoying.

He wakes up in the hospital, he is a quadriplegic now. There are mechanical arms installed in his smart home that are voice controlled and can do anything you want, also he has this motorized wheelchair that takes him wherever. His mom comes over and takes care of him, we see him have one breakdown. They go to the police station where the cop on the case is Cortez (Betty Gabriel, most commonly known as Georgina from Get Out–but PERHAPS soon to be known as Nari from Unfriended: Dark Web! Idk there was a trailer, she seems to be in everything right now. Anyway). Grey is frustrated by the lack of progress on the case and he yells a little.

He also decides he wants to kill himself and makes his mechanical arms OD him, but they don’t deliver the fatal dose and call the ambulance. He wakes up in the hospital and the blonde genius is there, skulking around in the corner with a surgical mask on. He tells him that the bug he made can make him walk again, etc. Grey doesn’t want to at first then is kind of emotionally manipulated into going through the procedure to implant the thing in him. He signs a confidentiality agreement and swears never to tell anyone.

It works, the thing (Stem) can talk to him and also help solve the case. It immediately identifies the dudes in the video and they go to the house of one. The guy comes back and starts attacking Grey. This is when he allows the implant to “take over” and it kills the dude in a really cool fight scene where we start learning the full extent of this thing and how it works.

I need to take an aside here for a minute and explain that I saw this movie on a Saturday at 4:30pm in a PACKED theatre, the kind that tries to curate an experience and a ticket is 16 dollars and you can order a steak while you’re watching (Moviepass bitch) and I was sharing a table with someone who ordered four chicken tacos and a root bear float (interesting!), only ate three of them, then LET THE WAITRESS TAKE THE OTHER ONE AND THROW IT AWAY. Which was of course, upsetting to me on every possible level. On the OTHER side of me, these two guys kept laughing at everything, and yes, some things were a little overly dramatic and funny (like when he can feel his arms and legs for the first time after the operation and they play this dramatic music and it’s a lot) but they were laughing at so many things it felt like they thought they were better than this movie which 1. Hello, you’re not and 2. It was so distracting and I hated them.

So he murders this man with a knife by splitting open his jaw on both sides, which looks very cool and gross. Ok, so to fast forward kinda, there’s a bunch of scenes of him using Stem to piece together clues to find all the people who were there who killed his wife, then Stem kills them and he relinquishes control of the body but also is disgusted and steps in when it gets too bloody.

The trail takes us to this guy who is really enhanced and can kill people with his sneezes (the bacteria weaponizes somehow? And attacks them from the inside?) and also has a gun in his arm. This was one of the coolest things in the movie, a lot of these dudes had surgical weapons enhancements and got guns put into their hands and they load the bullets into their arms and it’s really cool. (This and the thing going into the base of your spine and amping you up are both DIRECTLY pulled from two different episodes of Dark Angel, I know no one knows or cares, but it’s important for me to acknowledge). Also, I know the world is terrible especially with guns right now and the NRA is incarnated evil but I still really like fictional violence and this movie did it really well. ANOTHER note-this guy was really intense and dangerous but was also very tiny and had this blonde mustache, like if Mr. Anderson from The Matrix and Kip from Napoleon Dynamite had a baby together.

Um, so he kills that guy and ends up going back to the rich blonde guy house. The cop (Cortez) follows him and Stem tries to kill her. This is where Keane (the inventor person) spills the beans that the mastermind behind the whole thing, the person who killed his wife was….Stem!!! The thing in his head he thought was helping him catch the killer this whole time! The thing just needed a body without any technological enhancements to attach to and Grey fit the bill. So it made the car malfunction and paid people to sever his spine, and the wife dying thing was just kind of lagniappe.

Then we see Grey wake up in a hospital bed and he can use all his limbs and his wife is alive and she’s like, “You’ve been out for a few days” and they kiss but then we go back to the rich house with the cop on the ground and she’s like, “Where’s Grey?” and Stem is like, “I just needed his mind to break and he broke it. Now he’s exactly where he wants to be, in a better place” and it controls the body and kills her and walks out.

I am TELLING you–this is a summer/new era of the bad guys winning. That’s what’s been happening in so many movies I watch! Infinity War (sorry) and if you saw that horror movie Truth or Dare, and now this! We went darker with Christopher Nolan Batman and now as a culture we’re going one step beyond that where the good guys are allowed to lose in the end of anything!!! Watch out. I personally like it, I think it’s interesting and fun, and film positivity has reigned for too long. I like that a different narrative is now becoming an option. And no, not like there’s never been sad movies before but they always have to put some positive spin on the end, or like something to make the bad seem good like *closure* or *personal growth* or something and I like that it’s just fucked up now and people end the movie there.

I really liked this movie a lot, despite the situation I watched it in. 4.5/5 (gasp!) Things That Make Me Want To Rewatch The O.C., will masturbate again.

p.s. I looked him up and the director of this movie did the original Saw!!!! That’s why he gets gory psychological thrillers!

p.p.s. Was it a crime that they didn’t play Upgrade U by Beyoncé ONE time in the whole 95 minutes? Yes, definitely.

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I Feel Pretty


I did like it. I just didn’t love it and I don’t all the way know why. Good things first: I like the concept overall. Just changing someone’s perception of themselves & how they act instead of physically changing anything or dressing better or changing the way they interact, etc.

I liked that they never showed what she saw. That was cool. I liked the casting, Sasheer Zamata was funny, Aidy Bryant is always funny, Michelle Williams was great, the brother was hot, Rory Scovel was a breakout, the casting was great.

Some stuff I didn’t like: I didn’t like that the opening scene, our introduction to this character, was her falling off a bike and hurting/embarrassing herself. I think there’s a lot of stereotypes about fat people (which also, Amy Schumer is not) that they’re sloppy, lazy, uncoordinated, bumbling, etc. Fat people can ride stationary bikes. It felt like a cheap shot right out of the gate that kind of undermined some of the goals of the premise to me? There’s just so many situations where being fat turns into a negative that isn’t that person’s fault it was weird that they chose an example that seemed to blame her body. Anyway. I didn’t love that, but it didn’t make me mad or hate the movie or anything.

Um, I liked the guy she worked with Mason, even though he was a little “fat gross guy” in the beginning as well, we get more from him later.

So, Amy Schumer plays Renee Bennett, a down on herself programmer? She does something with the website of a makeup brand headed by Michelle Williams as Avery LeClaire, a tiny blonde with the voice of a scared bird. Renee dreams of working in Manhattan at the fancy Headquarters instead of a weird basement office with Mason. She goes there one day to drop off some reports because the internet was down (any time the internet is ‘down’ anywhere, even in a fictional world, I feel a little bit of involuntary stress). While there, she learns about a job opening as a receptionist which apparently is a dream job for her. (I’m rewatching The Office for the millionth time and at one point Pam doesn’t care about the downsizing because, “I don’t think it’s any little girl’s dream to be a receptionist” WRONG PAM-we found the one girl!!).

Then she has a Soul Cycle mishap AGAIN where she falls off a bike and bangs her head. Instead of calling any sort of medical professional, they give her a bandana and a lot of rude looks. She could sue?? Maybe don’t keep bitchily implying that she’s ugly? Idk.

Also Emily Ratajkowski has some stuff about how she has issues with her appearance too and she got dumped. I liked that they remind us that being beautiful doesn’t protect you from heartbreak but thin women being like, “I have body image issues too” is like the All Lives Matter of body positivity bc like, yes, body dysmorphia & eating disorders, but also you feeling bad about yourself isn’t you not being able to buy your size in most stores, or fit on a plane or being discriminated against in a job interview or have a doctor miss a time sensitive medical diagnosis because they just keep telling you to lose weight and don’t trust your own account of your symptoms. (All of which happen constantly). But instead of explaining that in any way, Amy’s just like, “I want to punch you in your dumb mouth” which, is a lillll lazy writing and also a copout of a punchline at this point to me. Eh.

Um, so then she sees herself as beautiful which is cool, and she has lots of confidence n’ stuff. She goes to meet her friends and tells them she’s her, and that scene is funny and well-navigated. I also really like her friends. Busy Philipps is lowkey beautiful and was another one who played a “fat friend” when she was still underweight, (White Chicks, which is otherwise a perfect movie) and Aidy Bryant is the perfect amount of everything. I love her so much.

Then Renee has the job interview at Lily LeClaire for the receptionist job. Naomi Campbell is there (is that common for the CEO to be present for the hiring of a receptionist?) and they’re all shading her a lot but they’re also starting a ‘diffusion line’ which is a more accessible product for Target/drugstores instead of department stores and they’re looking for someone who understands this new type of client they’re courting.

So she gets the job and is killing it, she meets the hot brother who is very hot and he likes her. This was one of my favorite parts because hot men like women who aren’t thin!!!! I mean, I know they like thin women too but I liked that he flirted with her, it felt realistic to me.

Throughout all this, she has picked up and started seeing Ethan No Last Name (Rory Scovel) who did such a good job and is very attractive and funny. I feel like this movie will be huge for him.

There’s a great scene where she and Ethan are on the boardwalk? Coney Island? I don’t know what anything is-but they’re walking by and a bar is having a bikini contest and she goes in and participates and it’s so fun and she doesn’t win which I LOVED because that was realistic. But then she doesn’t care and that’s tight. (There’s a fun cameo from Dave Attell here as the bikini contest runner where he gives a heartfelt speech about how hot his goddaughter is and what a great person Renee is. It’s so good).

They start to date and have sex and they also show stuff with Rory’s character that he’s not all the way comfortable with himself and he kinda lives outside gender norms which are strict and oppressive to men as well and I liked that. Like when they have sex for the first time he keeps turning the light off and she’s like, “No I’m good,” and he’s like, “I just didn’t know if you wanted to see me” which is so sweet and I loved that they gave him uncertainties around sex, we don’t allow men that enough, especially straight men in romantic roles.

Renee’s killing at her job because she knows blush should have an applicator and she tells all the thin rich women that and they eat it up with a spoon. She gets invited to a private dinner with the LeClaire’s and then invited to Boston for the big pitch meeting. The brother is hitting on her hardcore which again, I loved, but she doesn’t cheat on Ethan thank tha lord. I hate cheating!!!!! It shouldn’t be acceptable!!! How can people do that to each other? Anyway. Then she falls AGAIN (AGAIN!!!!!!!!) and is bleeding in the shower for a while.

When she goes down to the lobby her vision of herself is back to what it was and this saps her confidence. She immediately bails on the presentation and FLIES back to NY and ignores all these calls from her boss, and breaks up with her boyfriend over Facetime.

I mean, this level of self-destruction seemed a little intense to me? I guess I’ve never been magically altered and then returned so maybe that’s too much but I’ve done stuff when I felt ugly or fat and you just suck it up and do it anyway. I just feel like I wouldn’t risk being fired because I felt fat? Like at what point is your body such an offense that you can’t do your job? It was a little overboard for me, but to each their own.

Poor Ethan, he’s like, “I think I deserve better than this” and she’s like, “You do- you deserve the world.” And he does!!!!!

We also get a classic fountain/lightening storm in the rain wish scene here, where Renee tries to reverse the magic but no dice.

Some more stuff happens and she finds out Emily is auditioning to be the face of the diffusion line which is all wrong, so she puts on a trenchcoat to correct this mistake LeClaire is about to make. She of course ends up making an emotional journey speech on a stage full of people with a powerpoint about beauty and strength. That bothered me a little too, there was so much emphasis on ‘strength’ in that speech about being yourself and seeing your own beauty, it was like, “We’re all strong enough to ignore SOCIETY’S prison we’ve set for ourselves” and again it’s putting the onus in the wrong place to me? Like, women shouldn’t have to be strong every second of every day to feel good about themselves and if they can’t they’ve failed/it’s a weakness- I think it’s ok to be like, “This is a tough situation and it’s really hard and you’re allowed to feel bad but remember how great you are, etc.” It was mostly fine, about how when we’re little we have all this confidence and then the world takes that away from us, and how many women have seen a photo or video of themselves from before they were cognizant and you’re in awe of your brazen ability to take up space and be loud and unapologetically be you? Probably eleventy million. So that part was resonant and good.

The end I don’t all the way remember now even though I saw it earlier today? She gets back with Rory? And apologizes to her friends for being a dick-oh that’s a whole part of this I forgot, there was an arc after she got used to her perceived hotness where she was being rude and dismissive to her friends and other people she didn’t deem attractive enough, and that was good to show how easy it is to fall into these patterns of thinking and judging/how much work it is to intentionally buck that and try to dismantle it.

Full transparency, I left in the middle (when she’s breaking up with him at the restaurant?) to go throw up in the bathroom because apparently I have a stomach virus or something, so that was also going on with me. I liked their reconciliation where he picked her nose. Probably because I pick my nose and I have been shamed for it!!!!!!!! We can’t all fit your perfect clear-nostriled idea of women, SOCIETY!!!!

Oh I do remember the end, she’s back in a Soul Cycle class, somehow managing to stay on the bike, and a Lizzo song is playing, which, thank god. She is a fuggin’ beacon for inclusive beauty and anthems for self-love. I love her. That was a good choice.

I laughed out loud at a few parts but the funniest one was where Renee interrupted a meeting accidentally then ended up giving some good feedback but was excusing herself and was like, “Ok just give me a sign if you guys need anything else, like a water or anything. And the sign can just be like, ‘Renee can we get a water in here?” and for whatever reason that was hilarious to me. Two straight men (I’m pretty sure) saw it by themselves and that was so cute. I love when men go in groups (however small!!!) to see movies with female leads.

Um, aside from my constant nausea and diarrhea that I was feeling during this viewing, I also was held back from COMPLETE love by some minor annoying things that they got wrong that could have so easily been fixed had they had one person on the writing staff who knew about fat activism or anything like that. But overall it was fun? It didn’t change my life like I was hoping it would, but it’s not a step backwards? It was cool that she wore Spanx and had underboob in that one scene, I haven’t seen that represented often and it was cool. But truly Amy Schumer is still pretty small.

It kind of was like the updated female Shallow Hal and I love that movie, and it wasn’t as good as that to me. But, movies where size is being addressed and people are at least being made aware of these tropes instead of blindly fed them? I’m ok with that. Actually, it felt like the Freaky Friday/watered down/lite version of Dietland. If you were interested in the ideas of this movie but disappointed in the execution, you should definitely read Dietland by Sarai Walker, it’s phenomenal and radical and a more extreme version of this, & I can’t recommend it highly enough.

3 out of 6 stewardess mini skirts with buttons (WHY???), will prolly masturbate again before I die.


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