I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry


I remembered that I loved this movie and was rewatching it and was a little taken aback by some of the things I forgot that apparently weren’t outwardly terrible yet in 2007. It’s insane how much the cultural tide has changed in so little time!! A positive for us and a negative for romcoms from the early-2000’s! But there so much good here you would be remiss to write it off in my opinion.

To be clear though, Adam Sandler casually says faggot a lot in the first parts of the movie and there’s a lot that’s offensive to gay people/anyone/also Rob Schneider does his best Mickey Rooney impression in yellow face as an Asian wedding officiant in Las Vegas which is…just terrible.

But there’s so much that’s genuinely funny and it somehow in this round about way gets to a good point at the heart of it! Like most people!

If you’re somehow unfamiliar—I feel very bad for you because this movie is really good to me and oddly canonical,—but basically Adam Sandler and Kevin James (who can do no wrong in my eyes! Both of them!) are New York firefighters. Kevin James’ wife died of something like 4 years ago and he’s worried about being injured on the job and not being able to provide for his children, Tory and Eric.

He has recently saved Adam Sandler’s life and Sandler has promised him a favor that’s for anything he wants. The next logical step of course is for them to file a partnership with the fire department so they can both receive pension benefits from the city if one of them gets hurt so the kids are protected.

Adam Sandler (Chuck) is unsurprisingly not on board at first, because he (as he often is characterized in his own movies) is a ladies man. In this movie that means he is “Mr. February,” a pinup in the city’s firefighter calendar. But then Larry (Kevin) reminds him of his promise and says it’ll just mean getting his mail forwarded to his place for a while and he agrees.

But ACTUALLY it’s not that simple, and the government doesn’t just let people do that. So they get assigned a lawyer who SURPRISE is very hot (Jessica Biel) who’s going to help them fight the government (Steve Buscemi) and prove their love is real.

A lot of hi-jinx (the internet is very divided on how to spell that word) ensue: Chuck and Larry go to a gay ball where a butterflied Nick Swardson keeps screaming things that are absolutely a caricature of gay people but also very funny, Chuck gets approached by a very menacing Ving Rhames who until this point has been feared but comes out to Chuck and tells him he inspired him to live his truth, Larry’s gay son Eric auditions for Pippin and gets in a fight where he tap dances his way to victory, there’s an especially revealing career day where the term ” butt pirate” is used, etc.

Throughout all of this, Chuck is falling in love with Jessica Biel and they are spending ‘girl time’ together (one of the offensive parts of this is it constantly frames gay relationships through a heteronormative lens, continually referencing who is the “woman”) and it comes to a head when he feels her up and they make out. Jessica Biel is upset and throws him out.

Meanwhile, at their firehouse, once the relationship comes out all the other members of the house sign a petition asking the chief to transfer Chuck and Larry. This is met by a good speech from Larry where he goes through all the names and gives examples of times he & Chuck have helped different members throughout the years and how “gay” it was: “When Chuck dragged your limp body out of the third story of a collapsing building even though his leg was broken in three places, that was pretty gay of him.” I liked this part a lot because what this movie gets wrong (a lot) is to me outweighed by what it gets right, which is that sexuality isn’t the determining quality of any person and also love and relationships can be deep and protected and not be sexual and men can have deep love for each other within their friendships and also sexuality is fluid and most people aren’t 100% one thing and all of that’s ok!!! Also being gay isn’t weird and doesn’t change your friend and you can have friendships with gay men as a straight man and it’s cool and good.

This movie is also so funny, I don’t think I can stress enough how funny a lot of it is to me, I think I just really love Adam Sandler and Kevin James so much. A running joke in this is that Adam Sandler does the voice of Kevin James’ dead wife when they’re in bed like, “Larry, you betrayed meeee” when he’s falling asleep and it’s very funny to me. Idk what to tell ya!!!

In the end, the fire chief (Dan Aykroyd) outs them in their hearing as not gay, and they all get arrested and go to jail (all the firemen have a change of heart!), but then the gay community saves them. Ving Rhames marries Jessica Biel’s brother (Nick Swardson) and everyone’s at the wedding and Adam Sandler and Jessica Biel dance and Larry seems to find a woman to talk to that isn’t the ghost of his dead wife and everyone is happily ever after-ing.

Basically this movie is great and I like it so much and it both holds up and doesn’t hold up. There’s a lot of interesting critical gender theory to be employed here and I’m certain that’s what Adam Sandler had in mind when he made it, just like all his movies.

4/5 Apple costume dick flaps, would masturbate again.

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Katt Williams: Great America


Katt!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! This!!!!! I loved it! I was so happy and ready to laugh today- and I have nothing but WONDERFUL memories of The Pimp Chronicles which defined an entire era of high school for me, certain friendships even, were predicated on reciting bits from those specials (Kryptochronichondilite???). That velvet blazer, the dancing, the press n’ curl, I just liked him, everything. It was all good.

So I was very excited to see he had a new special out, but also VERY wary. A lot of these male comics haven’t aged especially well (in the ideas department) and coming off the last two Dave specials I was veryyy wary. But Katt!!!!!!

So, first of all, I truly love Katt Williams because he is always sweating very profusely in the first three minutes of any special he has and as someone who also sweats a lot, I love that. Representation in comedy is very important, stop sweat-shaming!!!!

He also opens with maybe TEN minutes of local jokes. I mean down to the names of streets, neighborhoods, bridges, restaurants, etc. etc. It is all about local Jacksonville culture, which is a risk for a special being filmed to air nationally, but it’s so funny he gets away with it. Also, so much of America’s cities have many similarities so it was relatable-there was one part where he said, “lots of cities only have one hood” implying that Jacksonville does not, which reminded me of Durham, and then was talking about how sometimes when you’re getting gas you decide you don’t need gas when you get to certain gas stations. Everyone has felt those things and even just the way he says the physical words, the emphasis he puts on them, is also so FUNNY. He’s just a funny person.

I really enjoyed the content and the shifts therein-we went from a solid very serious Trump bit that covered Philando Castillo’s murder, immigration/the wall, global warming, etc., RIGHT into Taco Bell’s use of fried chicken and the Popeye’s lady. He cares about what I care about!!!!! Social justice and chain fast food nuance. He talked about Arby’s longer than I’ve ever heard anybody talk about Arby’s and I was laughing the whole time.

Katt Williams really has a gift to cut to the heart of a topic that’s the relatable part. He really understands people. He did a joke in the beginning where he referenced Mesothelioma, and it got this HUGE laugh and you could tell a lot of it was surprise at hearing another person say out loud, “Mesothelioma.” It’s this thing all of us have seen/heard (those commercials) in private, but isn’t referenced in popular culture outside them, so it feels like it’s just you-so then to hear someone say it in this setting, it’s so gratifying and surprising.

The only part I really did not like (aside from some gender stuff/he uses the word ‘bitch’ more than the word ‘the’ but what’re you gonna do) was when he was talking about My 600 Pound Life- that show upsets me and reinforces these terrible ideas about bodies and health and weight- leave those people alone don’t gawk at their lives like they’re some kind of freak on display for you to judge and also how dare you fucking judge them?? Since when did all our bodies become our economy of worth that everyone gets to have an opinion on? Since the beginning of time, I know, but that doesn’t make it right and I hate it and I hated that part. But luckily it was very quick-at least he understands to move on, not like Dave Chappelle who would have made it the breadth of the entire special.

Something that fascinated me that I had to look up because I wasn’t all the way sure and am still not 100%-was that behind him, there were full windows (the whole stage setup is something I wanna talk about and will in a minute because it was FUCKING PHENOMENAL) that you could see rain through the entire time. The whole hour it was “raining.” Now, I have looked up the layout of that theatre. I am 90% sure there are not windows behind the stage to outside you can see through. Even if there are it was a choice to not build over them and then maybe it was a coincidence it was raining outside the whole time but I truly don’t think that’s it. (Let me know if I’m wrong-but I looked through an entire gallery of interior photos on their website & I don’t think I am). I think he built them and designed a system that would continually loop water over them for an hour to look like rain. If this is the case, I have a fuckton to say about that.

The effect of rain on windows is deep. It’s this psychological thing that makes you feel permanent where you are and dry and home. The background of this blog is rain because it makes me feel safe. When it’s raining it’s okay to take a nap, watch a movie during the day, get drunk, abandon all expectation of productivity that you’re not allowed to in good weather. Rain is my favorite kind of weather, it’s sad and accommodating, and pretty, and a huge plot point in MIB 2.

I have never, NEVER seen a comic utilize the psychology of weather to create a mood for a special. Andy Kauffman once made it snow indoors for a Christmas special but that wasn’t comedy it was one of the straight ones he did after he got cancer. I love to see what people do with sets because it’s an often neglected part of the experience because when you’re starting out it’s something you have no control over so I think most people just ignore/forget about it, then when they get big enough that they can control it they don’t have much preference. I LOVE when someone does an elaborate set, it adds to the material in this subtle but completely permeating way.

This stage set up was amazing. It looked like the Oval Office but when he walked out there were six black women onstage dressed in diamond black & silver mini dresses with briefcases full of cash (one is open on the desk, they all have handcuffs attached to the handles) like an episode of Deal or No Deal THAT WERE JUST THERE FOR HIM TO WALK OUT TO! They left the stage as soon as he comes out! They’re there for less than a minute!!!!!! That’s incredible. The Oval Office is decorated with framed portraits of himself (God Bless) and two huge gold lions and two HUGE red leather fainting couches. There’s also American flags everywhere and on either side of the stage big black gates with his initials on them. The middle of the stage has a HUGE GOLDEN STOOL and the microphone is also gold. Katt is wearing head to toe black and gold, with an embroidered jacket and pants and shoes. He looks amazing.

The whole thing feels like the Scarface White House which when you think about what we really have in there, isn’t that far off. An overreactive, vain, paranoid man who sexually covets a family member? Got it!

The rain. I can’t get over the rain. I will never get over the rain probably. Katt also did the whole first 50 minutes straight then dropped a dick music cue on us which was—–brilliant. No one was expecting it and it was so satisfying and hilarious and I love him. That shit is so simple but I haven’t seen anyone do it as well as him. He understands physical comedy on this level where it’s just effortless and he can make a joke 10x funnier just by moving his body a certain way. It’s a gift.

He also has such prescient things to say about race, and he darts in and out of it so you’re never allowed to tense up, he’s talking about bridges, then talking about how a white restaurant cooks jerk chicken so good he expects to see a slave in the kitchen, then we’re back to driving or whatever. It’s incredible he can still do that in a climate where people are very tense around identity politics but it’s the thing I was talking about in the beginning, he can relate to people so well it feels safe when he does it, you trust him.

(Speaking of identities, there was a white guy in the third row in the audience who kept getting up and sometimes the camera would cut to the crowd and he would just be standing in the aisle???? And it was really distracting & idk what was up with that)

At one point he told women not to make noise if their man has great dick (Gender is a construct Katt!!!!! We never own people even if we engage in a long term consensual relationship with them! Why define people by their sexual behavior and then categorize them as such!) because then a ho would swoop by–then he was that woman flying–and said, “Aw, that’s just Gerald.” As if to imply, Gerald did not have great dick, his woman was mistaken, and this ho somehow knew. After the special was over, the first credit was Producer Gerald McBride and I wonder if that was an inside joke at him!!! Gerald!!!!

Truthfully I was pretty blown away by a lot of it, there were minor bits I didn’t like but to be that solid for over an hour and that genuinely funny is pretty incredible. And that fucking rain. Also to name your special “Great America” after a racist piece of shit ran on the platform “Make America Great Again” and film it in a town that’s got huge minority populations and make a point of acknowledging how many Latino, Pilipino, Black and White people were in the audience is a wonderful fuck you/subversion—and I loved that too. Ok I’m done.

7/8 Gold Dick Microphones, would masturbate again.

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Dave Chappelle: Equanimity & The Bird Revelation



This makes me sad. I’m not done watching it yet but I’m like 27 minutes into the first one and I had to pause and write some things down before moving on, I couldn’t really watch more without doing that.

So———the first like 10 minutes of the special, I’m rolling. Laughing out loud to myself in my room. Stupid laughter, these big unwieldy surprise laughs that almost only Dave Chappelle can get from me at this point. I watch so much stand up, I usually just smile or think, “that was a good joke.” But I’m LAUGHING. Then, Dave starts talking about the trans community.

Which, number one, why?? Dave! I’m getting to a point where I’m really annoyed to hear men complain about how people get offended “these days.” Every time you turn around some dude is only too willing to explain to anyone who’ll listen how people are too sensitive now, too PC, blah blah blah. Yes, the world’s changing! You have good medicine and computers now! First of all if you can accept progress in medical & scientific fields, accept it in social and cultural fields. Second, people aren’t “just now” getting offended, they were fucking offended before, you just didn’t know about it because they didn’t have a platform. But now, marginalized communities have access to global platforms, which is a fucking gift, so we have access to those perspectives. Also YES things are changing- buckle up! It’s only going in one direction (hopefully!!!). There’s trans people. People are non-binary. Also none of these concepts is unique to America or recent at all, but ok you’re just now hearing about them, fine.

I DO NOT understand the reaction/impulse to DIG IN your fucking heels and WHINE. People don’t like your shitty jokes where you call women cunts? Boo hoo! Write a better fucking joke. With Dave’s last special I had much more empathy because I was like, “He’s figuring it out, he’s not just gonna arrive somewhere all of a sudden, he’s a comic he needs to talk it out to get there and process.” And that last special was amazing. I’m sure this one will be amazing too, and the one after it. But why the fuck does he feel the need to stubbornly live in his willful ignorance out loud? And I say willful because oh boy does he claim innocence so many times. He describes a letter he got from a trans fan who was ‘devastated’ and hurt by his jokes and he says he has no idea what joke upset them (“I have so many transgender jokes” he reminds us proudly). He goes on to say he really likes the transgender community and doesn’t know WHY he keeps upsetting them.

All ya have to do is ask Dave! Talk to one trans person! Read some stuff! It’s all there. It’s not very difficult. But he continues to act as if trans people are kept behind some glass that no one gave him the combination to, and he just has to endure not knowing.

He then goes on to tell a joke about a trans person that he speculates is the one that was so upsetting, while shrugging like a child who ate a cookie before dinner. It’s about dancing with a trans person and having sex with them (“only titty-fucking!”) and it really felt like that was to shore up this idea that he might not say the right thing but he does the right thing/his actions are unprejudiced. But the whole way he tells the story contradicts that very notion! He puts the burden of his reaction to that person’s identity on them, blaming them for not telling him they were trans. He also told this story after describing the idea of Caitlin Jenner’s naked body, specifically the idea of her genitals, as, “Yuck.” Dave, you can’t in one breath treat someone’s sexuality as disgusting then ask for a medal for dancing with them!

ALSO sidenote: So many men seem to think them deigning to say they’d fuck a trans person is the ultimate validation. That that’s the ultimate extension of humanity, if they’d stick their dick into something, or that it’s a compliment. It’s not! Plenty of trans people wouldn’t fuck you!

Someone’s identity isn’t validated by whether or not you want to fuck them, also you don’t have to personally come to terms with the genitals of trans people (get out of there!!!) to recognize their humanity. Ugh, the whole thing made me really sad because this impulse to fucking double down on your own ignorance makes you at best come off as old and out of touch, but at worst, willfully hateful.

Another incredibly confusing part to me is his insistence to treat being trans and being black as if they’re mutually exclusive. Like there aren’t black trans people. It’s so strange. He outlines “If I’m being brutally honest” the only reason he feels the trans community is gaining acceptance is because white men ‘want to do it’ and it stems from white privilege. Which I’m sure is a comfort to all the trans women of color murdered every year, we’ll tell them.

It seems like he set these two identity markers (being black & being trans) which are not mutually exclusive, in opposition in his own mind then constructed a lil oppression Olympics for them. The general vibe very much seems to be, “I was oppressed without humanity/recognition so now you have to be too.” At one point he asks the audience, “Since when does America care how people feel?” In reference to trans people being vocal about their identities, and the room erupts in applause. Are we all clapping that in the past culture has been exclusionary and harmful? Why wouldn’t you want to change that?

Also, if you truly don’t understand…………shut the fuck up! It feels like for a lot of these older (I know he’s 44 but he’s been around for 25 years) comics they think they have to talk about what everyone’s talking about to seem relevant & have a take. There is like TWELVE fucking minutes dedicated to this. Dave! You’re 44. Call Janet Mock, call Laverne Cox, fuck call Chaz Bono, just don’t keep writing jokes in an empty room about something you know nothing about. It’s hurting people. And he has no excuse now, because people TOLD him. And he just keeps doing it. That’s what makes me so sad, because he’s so funny and amazing. He’s probably the funniest person I think, to me. He’s the one. So to see someone you idolize and respect just digging this hole of their own words and stubbornness to be right over everything else? It’s the fucking worst. I’m gonna leave this now and continue watching. I’m sure everything else will be fantastic and great. Just this. This is the hill he has publicly chosen to die on.

Yeah, now he’s talking about his dick being Morgan Freeman (“without the dots”) and it’s hilarious. Goddamnit. Cause also wtf he had this line in the trans thing, after he read the letter and he said, “Then I did something that many black men in America don’t have the time or money to do. I thought about how I felt.” And that’s so important to remember how we as a culture don’t prioritize or encourage the emotions of black men—ugh it’s heartbreaking to me how one person can be so insightful about one issue and so obtuse about another. It’s funny because later he uses this example of why Amish people’s God is wrong (lol) where he’s on the highway and the speed limit is 75 mph but one lane is blocked by a horse and buggy. YAH EXACTLY DAVE. THE HIGHWAY IS GENDER FLUIDITY AND UR THE HORSE!!! CLOGGING IT UP FOR THE REST OF US.


“Initial reactions are often wrong, or more often incomplete” and the whole standing too close to the elephant thing- every part of his special could be mirrored back to him to prove why he’s wrong about his own point. Everything else is good! The kick her in the pussy thing worked for me, everything else pretty much. Ok I’m gonna watch the second episode and hopefully he doesn’t mention anything about trans people and it will all be good. Although something that’s striking me about this one and the last two he did before- these jokes aren’t classic/timeless jokes like his old specials, these all seem to be topical political reactions. No one’s gonna be repeating lines from this in 10 years (like they do with the others), because these things (hopefully) won’t matter anymore and the jokes aren’t written to be repeated anyway they’re more anecdotal aside from a few punchline/callbacks. I wonder if the second one will follow that construction or vary.

The Bird Revelation

Oh fun!!! In this special he’s talking about rape!!! Oh lord he’s talking about the Kevin Spacey thing and is choosing to focus on how mature gay young boys are? Daveeeeeee. Dave!!!! First of all, lol to talking about this while your sweatshirt is so tight I can see your necklace through it, second, DAVE. Also you think the biggest problem with him molesting that boy is making the child keep an adult’s secret for 30 years? Not the sexual assault? Ugh. now he’s talking about Louis. This is bad, this is really bad. It’s as if he thinks that if says, “But ladies, you’re right” after everything he says it’s ok? It ameliorates that he said he thinks the harassment was funny when he heard about it? Ok, so after saying he thinks the women Louis CK sexually harassed were weak, he’s comparing those instances to middle passage.


This is interesting because it’s the exact same tactic he took with the previous special: Take an issue you have no personal experience/point of emotional reference to, compare it to racism, find it lacking, dismiss it. It’s like he doesn’t know what relativism is. Two things are allowed to be bad at once. (There’s also black women who are sexually assaulted!!!) But ok. He also does this tonal shift to do an amazing searing black history refresher-in this one the legacy of black injustice & forced labor starting with middle passage all the way through reconstruction, Jim Crow, (“They made us do their work, then the irony is hundreds of years later they called us lazy”), and the one prior he did the entire story of Emmett Till, but then shifts back in the joke, and brings the point parallel to something else he’s been talking about, almost as if to demonstrate it isn’t as bad.

At one point after saying one of the many things where you can feel the air leave the room a little bit he says to the audience while inhaling his cigarette, “C’mon baby it’s me. I was right once? Remember that?” To me this is the essence of both these specials. He remembers being revered & on the forefront and can’t step down from that role/doesn’t understand why he isn’t now. “I walked away from 50 million dollars. A lot harder to walk away from than Louis’ freckled dick” they’re not the same! You as an established comic with your own show on Comedy Central choosing not to renew a contract isn’t the same as two women in a hotel room at a comedy festival being sexually harassed. Nor is anyone saying they need to be!

“The most uncomfortable person in the room is the person that’s right” -that’s why trans ppl are uncomfortable at your shows Dave! It’s honestly incredible how much what he’s saying can be inverted to prove a point about himself he refuses to see.

He talks for a while about how men want to help, “I want to help,” like it’s our problem to solve, and men can choose to be a part of it or not. Not like it’s their problem too, or that they’re part of both the problem and the solution and inextricably linked to both. Like women are the gatekeepers of their own harassment and men are standing on the sidelines with Capri-Suns and women with short haircuts won’t let them pass them out.

I really thought this special would be ok. Dear God in Heaven, please let Dave Chappelle be trapped in an elevator with Frank Ocean and Alok Vaid-Menon and Jessamyn Stanley and Didi Delgado and let them bring him into this new year with us because I need him here. I need him to acknowledge that women who are affected by sexual harassment EVEN OVER THE PHONE YES are not weak, and that the joys of being wrong, and speaking recklessly, certainly have value and are worth considering but not without any context or regard for whose truth you’re being reckless with. I have already seen comics quoting those lines on Facebook and yeah it’s cool to think of ourselves as these truth crusaders but what he left out is it has to be your own truth, otherwise you’re just a wrong asshole. And so far it hasn’t been his own. It’s been trans folks and survivors of sexual assault and he’s been depressingly didactic about how they should both handle those things.

I’m just. Almost at a loss for words. This second one was a lot harder for me and sad. Because all the things he says about women made me sad. And I think he’s a genius. But just like Kanye, his only flaw is he doesn’t respect women at all! (That is a joke, I’m joking). Dave respects women in some capacity but he doesn’t understand gender and you can’t respect something you don’t understand and it was really difficult to hear him call women who came forward about their sexual harassment weak, and hear a tale about a pimp where the twist is that he tricked a woman into selling her body for him 6 months longer, and I know it was an allegory about himself and maybe I just didn’t understand, but you know.

There were also a lot of abstract platitudes. Like, “Hollywood is no place for moral absolutism.” Why not? Is the world? Is anywhere? What’s the standard then? What’s our goal? A lot of times he ends these big speeches with something equivocal that doesn’t feel all the way right to me, “We all need to come together,” “We all worked hard and are where we are now.” Calls for unity, and that most of America has differences but respects each other. Truthfully, I don’t know if the world feels like that right now to me. And I don’t think there can be true equality unless there is a breaking down of almost all the systems, social and otherwise, that are currently in place. I don’t think black people will have true freedom until white people understand systemic oppression and privilege and history. And I don’t think most white people do understand those things. And I don’t think women can be equal until men understand sexism and misogyny, and I truly don’t think most of them do. If they did we wouldn’t have men saying “Why didn’t she just hang up the phone?”

I love Dave Chappelle but I’m happy this is his last special for a bit because I think he needs to listen for a while.

4/10 Pimp manifestos, will masturbate again whenever Trump is out of the White House

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Rough Night

Scarlett Johansson;Kate McKinnon;Jillian Bell;Ilana Glazer;Zoe Kravitz

You guys I liked it. I know it’s terrible and Girls Trip is way better and racism and Hollywood and they killed a fake stripper and all of that, but I still liked it!!

I think this movie was a classic dark comedy (***not a black comedy, that’s Girls Trip***) just maybe people aren’t used to seeing that now? Or there’s a different lens for judgement now that identity politics has taken the forefront as a means of analysis and people consider the implications of plot relying on throwing away certain identities as a joke? Which is all good, but this movie felt pretty self-aware to me. I know a large criticism was that they killed a stripper and how that is a classic devaluing (here’s a good article about this) but the guy they killed wasn’t even a stripper, he was a secret robber coming to hurt them also some of the characters have a conversation about these issues (ok it’s one line but it’s there). I don’t know how much it complicates or ameliorates anything (the detail that he’s not a stripper) and certainly there’s very valid emotions and reactions to objecting to that as even a hint of a plot device/being in the movie at all. But, simply, for me it was ok (just me!!) and I’d recommend watching it before you decide what you think about it. As it often is, comedy is a slippery fish and there’s so much subjectivity within context that affects overall judgements about a joke. ANYWAY–I’m gonna stop being defensive now. I liked it. If you think that makes me a bad person, that’s ok, I still liked it. 

I watched this in two sittings, initially I watched like the first 15-20 minutes and thought it was SHOCKINGLY bad. Like laughably, inexplicably bad. Then when I watched the rest of it, something changed!!! I think after they kill the guy (spoiler alert they kill a guy) the movie really finds itself!!

The main premise is that one of a group of friends (Jess, played by Scarlett Johansson) is getting married so all her friends from college (Jillian Bell as Alice, Zoe Kravitz as Blair, Ilana Glazer as Frankie) and her best friend from studying abroad in Australia (Kate McKinnon as Pippa) organize a bachelorette party in Miami, which includes hiring a stripper. One thing leads to another and wouldn’t you know, they accidentally kill him. They spend the rest of the movie trying to hide/dispose of the body and many hijinks occur.

Some of these hijinks include: the real stripper coming later and getting accidentally knocked out, the other two diamond thieves coming to find the loot their partner stole from them, all of them trying to fit in a jet ski/smart car, Blair having sex on the beach with a horny neighbor couple (played excellently by Demi Moore and Ty Burrell) to steal the security video footage, Jess’ fiancé’s cross country drive to win her back after he misunderstands a phone call, etc. etc. For not leaving their rental beach house for 2/3rds of the movie, a lot is happening.

That scene that happens in all movies where a group has to deal with a lot of stress happened, which is that it takes literal death to get people to open up about their feelings. There’s always a scene in movies like this where the pressure just gets to be TOO much and people start spilling secrets and they saying how they really feel (remember when they thought the plane was crashing in Almost Famous?) which was enjoyable. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman myself, but I love a group of women just laying out all their shit and being honest with each other. In an emotionally tense scene (relatively) we learn that Jess has been lying to Alice about knowing how to use Skype, and had a bridal shower she didn’t invite her to because she feels like Alice monopolizes her time. Alice is very hurt and almost leaves, but then two men with guns come and don’t let her.

They end up resolving it (Jess finds a very sweet card from Alice about how her mom’s Alzheimers will always keep them together) and then they are back, better than ever!

Kate McKinnon comes in after about 15 minutes and makes all the difference. She is so naturally funny. She brings the whole thing together and I think saves everyone. Her character is Australian (an accent she’s really good at) and she is very connected to the Earth and maybe gets rabies at one part, it’s kind of unclear. Kate also has a really beautiful singing voice! Something I didn’t know at all! She writes and sings a song after/during the credits that’s very funny and pretty and I didn’t know she could sing.

Zoe Kravitz is the thinnest most beautiful person in the world and she doesn’t seem real to me. In this movie her character is going through a custody battle and has a lot of orgasms on the beach. She also has an uncle who advises them on the legality of murder. (Not very!)

Ilana Glazer kind of plays the same character she always is, herself. If you love it, you love it, if you find it kind of abrasive and derivative, then it’s that still! I’m somewhere in the middle of those on her- I don’t HATE her, I do think some of it is funny, but she always seems like she JUST did coke and that can be too much for me. Coincidentally in this movie she does a lot of coke. (Also I saw her do stand up and her stand up is truly horrible and that affects my judgement of her probably more than it should, but I can’t change who I am!!!).

Jillian Bell is so underused in the world in general, I think she is hilarious and I’m so happy for her every time I see her in Workaholics or this. She has really perfect timing and her control over her facial expressions is great. She somehow manages to combine masturbating and her bird, which I’m all for. Her character ends up finding the 2 million dollars worth of diamonds the police never found in a box of dick pasta which felt poetic somehow.

Scarlet Johansson hasn’t done a comedic character for a long time (not since The Nanny Diaries right?) and at times this seems a bit of a stretch for her. She does alright but I think out of everyone she has the most misses/jokes that fall flat. Really I will never forgive her for so many roles (Matchpoint?? In Good Company???) and that kind of clouds her for me. She has a short haircut in this, I think to make her look serious because she’s running for political office? Whatever the reason I liked it.

Jess’ fiancé, (Peter played by Paul W. Downs) gets better as the movie goes on. First he seems like a wet blanket and boring, but soon we go to his Bachelor party and you see that he is a wet blanket but that’s kind of his thing. He does a wine tasting with all his friends- who are made up of shockingly obscure and famous comedians (Bo Burnham, Hasan Minhaj, Eric André) who quickly counsel him to drive to Miami and convince Jess to take him back. He gets a lot of Red Bull, some Russian adderall and diapers for the journey (inspired by a woman astronaut who drove many hours straight without stopping to go to the bathroom for love apparently) in a song montaged shopping trip that is quite funny. He also connects two star-crossed lovers at a truck stop who share a love of meth and blowjobs. Peter ends up saving the day then immediately passing out. He and Jess get married the next day with everyone there in the middle of a foam party.

The funniest detail of the whole movie to me was during the final wedding scene, where Scarlett gets a call from her campaign assistant. He relays that word has spread of how she and her friends stopped a group of diamond thieves (the guy they killed was on the run from the cops and they were absolved of any wrong-doing) and that Jess was going to win the election/needed to start doing a press tour immediately. She responds by telling him she’s in the middle of her wedding and will be there first thing Monday morning, then takes the phone away from her ear to take pictures. But right after she says she’s at her wedding, her assistant says into the phone, “You’re getting married? Jess I’m in love with you.” This was hilarious to me and I couldn’t tell you why. Maybe because it’s hinting at this completely other storyline we never get that’s centered around him, or imagining this main character we’ve spent so much time with as merely a piece in someone else’s story? Maybe because it’s such an intense emotional admission and they never explain it or do anything with it?? She never even hears it!! Whatever it was, it tickled me.

The biggest problem with this movie is that it seemed Hollywood made a white and black version of the same movie (literally saw an article titled exactly that) and there were big picture ASTOUNDING similarities between the two that caused them to be compared: ensemble female comedic cast, same month release, a group of college friends travel to a new city to get back together because one of them has an important life event, the first scene of the movie is a college flashback with them doing a choreographed dance, like astounding.

But aside from those structural things, the content/movies themselves are actually pretty different. Girls Trip is more character driven and focused. We learn more backstory, motivation, we feel for the characters more and see them all as complete and complex people. It’s also just funny. Knee-slapping funny. In Rough Night we don’t know that much about anyone, it’s mostly about how the group dynamic is reacting to the situation they find themselves in, and the vibe is totally different: tenuous and awkward and it’s not trying to be funny the whole time. It’s not just a straight comedy. Truthfully, it never stood a chance the second it was compared to Girls Trip because it’s just not as good but despite everything, they’re not that similar of movies.

So basically, I liked it- I think if you’re willing to go suspension of disbelief/cognitively know that sex workers lives aren’t disposable, you’re not a bad person for liking this movie. (But also sit with how bad white women are for a lil bit! Can’t hurt).

Equality to me is that women get to make shitty insensitive comedies that history (and also blogs right now!) will look unkindly on/judge them for and Rough Night is that comedy!! For women!!!

3.5/5 beach tampons, would masturbate again




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This movie blew me away. It was like a sexy coming of age movie for cannibals!

The main character, a thin French girl, (aren’t they always??) is headed to veterinary school for the first time, a family tradition apparently. Her sister is there (we meet her at a blood rave later) and both her parents went there.

The first night of veterinary school is a lot of hazing (who knew!), where older students throw your mattress out a window and make you take ecstasy and dance in a basement with blood covered stuffed animals hanging from the ceiling. Justine (the main character) finds her sister in jean shorts dancing on a ledge with her dog (in vet school, the dogs can come to the parties!) and they hug and go over some emotions. Her sister takes her to a secret picture wall in the basement where they find some framed shots of their parents covered in blood and smiling. Normal!!!!

The next day all the first years are going through more hazing (to save a horse’s life, you MUST master greek life) where they dump blood on everyone (fun, normal) and everyone must eat a rabbit’s kidney. Justine is adamantly opposed because she was raised vegetarian. Her sister comes over and forces her to eat the rabbit’s kidney, which later causes an itchy rash (a VERY intense rash. A makeup artist could get a scholarship to college on this rash) to spread over her entire body. She goes to the school nurse, who tells her a story about a girl who was fat that she treated like a person, and then gave her a cream to put on her rash and tells her to fast for a day.

Justine puts the cream on and tries not to eat but also keeps being drawn to the smell of meat. She ends up stealing a loose hamburger patty in the pocket of her white coat during lunch, then throws it away when the lunch lady sees it dripping grease from the her pocket. She also eats a raw chicken breast in the middle of the night and lies to her  gay roommate named Alex about it, who she maybe has sexual tension with, or maybe wants to eat, it’s very unclear.

A scene that’s a big turning point in the film is when Justine goes over to borrow slutty clothes from her sister (more hazing). In her sister’s bathroom she finds the same cream the nurse gave her for her rash but doesn’t say anything about it. Later, after Alexia (big sis) tries to teach her to pee standing up on a rooftop (“Jut your hips out and push really hard”) Justine asks if she can sleep over. They do fun sleepover things like play video games, share secrets, and examine body hair. Alexia makes fun of Justine’s armpit hair, then checks out her pussy because they’re family (whenever they go to Olive Garden it’s INSANE), and decides to give her a Brazilian on the bed. So they’re doing the vagina waxing, (the camera angles for this are great by the way, just a down-the-barrel-of-the-gun kind of thing), and Alexia’s pulling the strips off and they hurt, but then one gets STUCK, so Alexia goes to get scissors to cut it off at the base.

Justine is understandably very nervous and doesn’t like the scissors plan and pushes her away really hard saying, “It’s my pussy!” because I don’t think she thought her sister understood it was her real life vagina, or knew it was but didn’t care/wouldn’t be gentle. Either way she pushes her away while Alexia’s holding the scissors at an odd angle and she falls, and ends up cutting her finger off (whoops!) then passing out from shock and blood loss. Justine calls an ambulance and while she’s waiting for them she starts to smell the blood and EATS THE FINGER LIKE A CHICKEN BONE. Alexia comes to and is pissed (Omg you guys you know when your sister eats your finger??? So annoying!!) but mysterious kind of and when their parents take them to the ER Alexia tells everyone the dog ate it and they put the dog down which is totally unfair and sad.

Right after getting out of the hospital (like stands up from a wheelchair in the parking lot), Alexia takes her sister to this abandoned road (btw a car accident on this road is the first scene in the movie) and throws herself into oncoming traffic. The guys in the car try to swerve and not hit her but run into a tree and both die. Then Alexia starts EATING them and she’s like, “I did this for you” to Justine, clearly to usher her into the sisterhood that is consuming human flesh, but Justine isn’t emotionally there yet so she walks home on the side of the highway. For some reason she takes her shirt off and walks home in her bra.

More stuff happens with Justine (she fucks her gay roommate, her sister brings her into a morgue and films her trying to eat the limbs, she makes out with a guy while they’re both covered in paint and tries to eat his tongue, etc, etc.) and she sort of makes this transition where it seems like she’s reached a happy balance of stuff and by that I don’t really mean that at all but she has a dance scene in front of a mirror where it seems like she’s accepting her sexuality/personhood/identity/flesh-eating. But then she gets into a public fight with her sister on the quad or wherever and Alexia bites a piece of Justine’s cheek off. Happy Thanksgiving!

The next day Justine wakes up in a bed next to Alex (her gay/bi/whatever he wants roommate) and she’s kind of stroking his face and goes for the dick and her hand comes back covered in blood!!!! She lifts up the blanket to find his whole right thigh and leg EATEN, and her sister on the other side of the room covered in blood playing video games (so chill). She seems to think about killing her sister with a ski pole, but then takes her into the shower instead and cleans her off by rubbing down her entire body with her hands.

This movie has a lot of sexual things: women/girls in their underwear doing stuff, boobs, sex, rash-scratching, etc. But the camera never lingers and The Gaze doesn’t seem to be there, it’s feels like life when stuff is just happening when you happen to not be wearing that much clothes. I really really liked the camera work and art direction in this movie, it is gorgeous and shockingly new and it feels insightful in this intimate visual way. 

The whole thing is in French by the way-I think I forgot to say that. You know how in Goodfellas they say fuck a record number of times and in The Sopranos they’re eating like every third scene? Well, this movie set those records but with blood. In almost every scene, someone’s covered with blood, bleeding, eating something dripping blood, getting a nosebleed, or some dead animal is being splayed on some surface. That’s another thing- because the entire thing takes place in veterinary school, there’s a lot of scenes of weird animal violence (not the right word but I can’t think of what is). Like there’s a scene where they tranquilize a horse and immobilize it and string it upside down and put a bit in it’s mouth and manipulate its tongue in this really visceral way, there’s a dog dissection scene, dead baby cows suspended in clear jars, the aforementioned raw rabbits kidneys, etc. Heavy on the animal gore I’d say.

I genuinely loved this movie, it made me CRINGE and gasp and be uncomfortable quite often, the way it’s done is incredibly vivid and real and I haven’t seen a lot like it and I loved it and I’m happy I saw it.

Five out of five raw chicken breast midnight snacks, would masturbate again.

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As a general rule for myself & this blog I try not to do really obscure movies because I feel like people only like to read/click on things they have seen/heard of, but maybe this one is just for me.

This is a movie I got on a whim from the library because I was interested to see if Bella Thorne could act (she can kind of?) and I love Mae Whitman (she can definitely!). I almost returned without watching but renewed instead (there’s some metaphor about life in that somewhere!!!) and just watched right now.

I loved this movie. And not in an ironic, ‘it’s so bad it’s good’ way, in a very genuine real way. The script is the best thing about it, it’s based on a book, and either the screen adapter person is incredible or the author did it and the book is really good too. I don’t even want to read the book though because I feel like I got it and I really liked the vehicle it was in and I liked the vehicle more than the ideas maybe?

Like ok, yes, there were some profound things in it but I didn’t feel I was connecting on a deep reverent “Art” level but something about this felt deeply personal to me and I loved it a lot and I DID cry and that’s fine but what’s weird is I feel bad now? Normally after watching a movie I really like I get a feeling of satisfaction but I kind of just feel empty and sad and I think it’s cause it was too real????? I’m also just in a place and very vulnerable to emotions right now.

This movie centers around the concept of one word/acronym, that also was a huge devastating blow to me when I found out about it- there are some words that truly are a terrible discovery because it means there’s this concept people are naming and calling out and aware of for this terrible feeling you thought was a secret that no one knew, and it makes you feel like ‘society’ is just a place that has categorizations and judgements for things that correlate with value and this is an example of where you fall short/fail. FUPA is an example of this. DUFF, the title of the movie, is also one. (Why are they always acronyms?)

DUFF stands for ‘Designated Ugly Fat Friend’ and it is used to describe a person (usually girl but the movie is very deliberate to point out it is gender neutral/can be used on anyone) who is less attractive than their group of friends who people trying to fuck the hot friends use to get to them. That’s probably too many ambiguous pronouns for one sentence (what is this German???) but you get it.

Learning what this word was in high school (and early college!) DEVASTATED me because I was like, “is that all I am to people??” and this movie is ENTIRELY that journey. Except, during this journey, the main character is actually very pretty and is best friends with the hottest guy in school and he’s helping her and they fall in love and they end up together. Oooh I think I just figured out why I feel terrible!

The whole point of this movie is to dispel that concept and say, “Labels are meaningless! Just be yourself!” which I agree with, but it kind of makes it hard to believe that when the narrative of the story uses things that align with societal values to validate an idea saying societal values are meaningless? Does that makes sense?

Like, ok. I shaved my head a few months ago. I did it to be ugly honestly. Because I wanted to get rid of the security blanket that hair is for me and just face my insecurities of being seen as ugly or unfeminine or undesirable, and I didn’t want to worry about what I looked like all the time and I thought if I just took it out of my own hands and looked ‘bad’ (by my own estimation) there would HAVE to come a time during the long growing out process when I just truly couldn’t worry/care anymore and I would be set free.

Then when I shaved my head people LOVED it and told me I was beautiful (which was tight as hell) BUT in my mind I kind of thought then that I would never experience the other, (then God was like NUH UH BITCH) because I moved and now it’s growing out and doing a weird goth Florence Henderson thing and I am having to meet all these people when I feel ugly and like a French boy going through puberty and it’s testing me!!!

During this time, I certainly don’t have the hottest guy in school (what is the New York comedy scene equivalent of that??? Conan O’Brien??) validating me, and that’s difficult. I’ve almost never had a guy (let alone the hottest one!!!) validating me and I forgot that that can be great too though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that experience in a movie where someone’s just validating themselves for the whole thing? (It doesn’t count if it’s a weird false empowerment thing for one scene, OR only in the beginning of the movie as a means of attracting the guy she ends up being with).

Part of me doesn’t want to post this because I aM meeting all these new people and this goes directly against the whole ‘sexy fun carefree!!!’ vibe I think I’m supposed to be committing to but I feel like my hair is already letting people in on that lil secret 🙂

The other part of me that doesn’t want to post this (it’s almost all the parts!) is because it reads more like a diary entry during a TED talk on body dysmorphia rather than a movie review but, it’s my blog bitch!!!! ( I really like saying bitch now!! It kind of came out of nowhere).

ALSO I’m realizing a huge OTHER part of this is when you’re body positive and plus size people want you to be Yas Qween all the time because they haven’t confronted the fucked up body stuff that they believe so when you feel insecure or have doubts they don’t know how to deal/comfort you at ALL because they believe all the fucked up bad things you’re feeling, but I’m not Yas Qween all the time!! I feel bad too and fat women are supposed to be CONFIDENT and sometimes sassy and it feels like you’re not allowed to have nuance of emotion publicly because it makes other people uncomfortable because then they have to acknowledge your body and they don’t know how to do that. ALSO sometimes people start to see you through your own insecurities and then you’re like, ‘damn I should be able to express this to you without it changing your opinion of me because I’m a whole person and I’m allowed to have flaws!!’ Whew!

I guess most of all I’m shocked that a movie with Bella Thorne in it made me FEEL things? But it did. I moved three months ago and am going through a breakup (yes STILL-until I get married and/or fingered in a car I will be going through it ok???) and I’m trying to hang curtains and a shelf by myself, and life is a highway and I’m gonna ride it all night long!!

Speaking of riding stuff, this movie DOES have a very classic teen plot arc we have all come to know and love. There is a HOPELESS (read: still very hot) nerd character who is just TOO smart to be appreciated by the immature idiots in high school. They (she in this case) finds a hot idiot who’s actually NOT an idiot after all—but full of insight and hidden wisdom—to teach them in something that starts off flippant (as a bet or a game or a challenge!) that turns into something REAL and emotionally intricate for both of them. There is a dance at the end where people’s true selves are revealed, usually by finding a dress that they added plaid to because they just can’t bear to conform any longer.

This movie literally has all those things in it and they’re great and satisfying. It’s like watching someone tie a bow made entirely out of cliched tropes, on a present that is your memory. The guy is very hot in a way I wasn’t ready for (because I’m so alt!!!) and that’s always good, to remind yourself that you’re still attracted to very hot people.

I’ll say again, my fave part was definitely the script, it was really well done, light and the dialogue felt natural and genuinely funny, something that is rarer than any gemstone. I will take a natural-sounding genuinely funny script over a diamond any day pal, and don’t you think I won’t.

Great cameo roles from Ken Jeong and Allison Janney and some other people I recognized but don’t want to look up.

This is the most personal one of these I’ve ever written, and I really hope I don’t have any of those Joe Rogan reddit guys who were mad at me a while back following still because I don’t want to open up for them but maybe this is exactly what they need to hear to realize that women-nah it’s not and nothing ever will be! Joe Rogan is a plague on this Earth that only female-centered novels and diva cups can even hope to cure. (To me!!! My opinion!!!! I’m glad he taught you it was ok to be weird!)

Well, I think we’ve all learned something, you have learned some of my deepest and most lingering insecurities, and I have learned that sometimes I need a D list comedy from 2015 to access my feelings!! Win win because I watch those all the time!!

4.9/5 plaid prom dresses that your friend in high school who just so HAPPENS to be into fashion design and able to sew on a professional level made for you in like one hour with no notice before The Dance, would masturbate again

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bachelorette-posterThis is me telling you to watch Bachelorette on Netflix. It’s so good. I love it. It’s BEEN so good, I don’t know why it isn’t everywhere and why people aren’t yelling about it to everyone.

This is one of those female-driven RAUNCHY comedies you’ve heard so much about! Starring all your wet dreams, Isla Fisher, Lizzy Caplan, and Kirsten Dunst as bridesmaids!! (It’s not that raunchy comedy though, this is a different one). Their friend from high school Becky (Rebel Wilson) is getting married! Except whoops, the night before the wedding they get high on coke and ruin her dress. They were trying to fit two people in it, in a cruel joke which could backfire on anyone. This launches them on a debaucherous nighttime journey to fix it, BUT ALSO THEMSELVES!!!!

Everyone has their own problems in addition to the shared main one, (I love how well the characters are written, they are casual and complex at the same time, just like REAL people!!). Lizzy Caplan, Gena, plays a girl who’s not over her ex-boyfriend from high school because he didn’t drive her to their abortion so she hates him but they were perfect together and she really still loves him but is too PROUD and GUARDED to admit it. (Also: Party Down fans- it felt like a fun little inside nod-her ex-boyfriend is Adam Scott!!! Isn’t that so perfect and wonderful??? Don’t we all miss that show?? Why didn’t it last forever?) Kirsten Dunst, Regan, plays a tough bitch who has her shit together and is a great friend but is also deeply unhappy and doesn’t know why. I LOVED Kirsten Dunst in this movie, mostly because this is the first time I’ve seen her play old and mean (of course she’s not that old, but she’s not a teen or ingenue or wide-eyed love interest/muse type) and she KILLS it. She was BORN to be old and mean!! Then my fave, Isla Fisher, Katie, the most interesting one to me, who is a fun ditz that loves to party but is also suicidal. And she plays it with this incredible control and subtlety that’s just, wow.

They go so many places for this dress, they go to the Bridal shop in the middle of the night to get a whole new dress but the only one they have in Becky’s size is Regan’s dream dress and she JUST CAN’T (white girl battle cry!!) so she makes them leave. She’s about to lick the sidewalk to prove how much the dress means to her, then somehow they get re-routed to a strip club where the Bachelor party is.

James Marsden plays Trevor, a lovable misogynist who refers to women as ‘things’ and encourages basically rape (2012!) and is the essential antithesis of his character Chris in 30 Rock. It’s fun to watch him be so believable in both. He and Regan have an interesting conversation where he “challenges” her and they have sex in a bathroom (basically acting out the idea that all powerful women just need to get fucked, but sometimes they do) which seems satisfying for everyone. I like that they don’t end up together.

This guy Joe from high school has been following Katie around all night and forever, he used to sell her weed and let her copy his homework and she doesn’t know his name but they are havin’ fun! Until the night takes a turn and Katie tries to kill herself. He is the one who finds her passed out after a Xanax OD attempt and he really cares about her/helps save her life. I like that they don’t end up together.

Gena somehow gets her ex-boyfriend (Clyde/Adam) out of a pickle at the strip club with a baby powder bottle full of coke and then they go to his MOM’s house, who is good at sewing. She ends up saving the day while her son and Gena have sex/eat pancakes. One of my favorite lines comes at this part, when Clyde gives Gena her pancake and says, “It’s got a frowny face on it cause the whole world’s an asshole” in a teasing tone making fun of her general demeanor and outlook.

Basically moms rule, and she finishes the dress. They get everything to the church/outdoor tent in time and get Becky down the aisle. But not before Becky calls Regan a blonde cunt, which felt like it needed to happen. They also don’t go down the aisle because collectively the three of them are covered in vomit, coming off a suicide attempt, and probably still a little coked up. I liked that all the main characters in this movie were cool failures.

The vibe the whole time was that these three girls used to make fun of Becky in high school and now it’s weird she’s more together than them, but we find out that Becky hid/took the blame for Regan’s bulimia the whole time, so really she’s been great this whole time, she’s just fat which often people conflate with “not doing well.” She even at one point, before marrying the man of her dreams who loves her, says, “Everyone thinks I’m too fat for him” which shows, even when YOU and YOUR PARTNER are happy, weight shit still affects identity and self-worth stuff if you let it. Fuck that! !

Sidenote: There was an article I read a while back that highlighted an excerpt from this man’s book who data-mined all these companies who log their search algorithms and an entire section was about porn and the most interesting part to me was that the MOST searched thing in the US was larger women. WHICH MEANS, that so many people are attracted to that body type but since we are all shamed into thinking it’s bad they don’t act on it because they’re afraid of what people will think, and then those women think no one wants them, and basically everyone could be happy if they accepted who they are and didn’t listen to companies trying to sell them jeans. Ok????

I liked the way relationships are communicated and handled in this movie, it feels pretty real and well-written. Like the funny friend in the movie is the same amount of funny your friends are in real life, not overdone or cheesy or staged. And even though they were doing coke out of a baby powder bottle or licking sidewalks or throwing up in bathtubs, I really would want to hang out with these characters! They were a mess and I can be a mess sometimes and it was fun to watch and I liked that no one had a real job I had to try to relate to.

In the end everything works out and everyone watches the wedding from a bench then drinks some more, and that’s how I want my wedding to be. If I could just sit in a corner and watch my wedding with my friends while we were drinking that would potentially be the best case scenario. And like stuff with my husband too, but not the WHOLE time.

This movie is also 1 hour and 20 min which is a GREAT LENGTH for a movie. You get engrossed and you’re watching something for longer than a show but none of your kids graduated college while you were in it, ya know? I just want all my kids to be happy is my main thing.

This movie is written and directed by Leslye Headland and it’s also based on the play she wrote. So, she seems great.

7/8 blood stains on ribbed satin, would masturbate again.



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The Standups

Screen Shot 2017-06-22 at 12_20_00 PM

People have been referencing this season (? What is it? Collection? Series?) on Netflix for what feels like a year and I saw a clip of it on fb and decided to watch it once and for all.

Nate Bargatze:


Firstmost, Nate Bargatze, to me, is one of the most effortlessly funny people I have ever seen. I think he’s so funny, his delivery is so perfect and dry and I love that his material is usually something I wouldn’t even begin to know how to write a joke about. Just hammocks or something else completely mundane. It’s fascinating and cool because it’s so different from me/what I think like/write like. So that’s great.

In this special there were a lot of really good moments but for something that was 30 minutes I was expecting a lot more punches I guess. It didn’t seem like his jokes were landing as well as they normally do. I’ve seen him do this same material and murder and this response seemed pretty tepid, and he also didn’t seem that comfortable/into it. I also wasn’t laughing as much as I know I have. So that was generally just weird. It’s like rewatching a movie you know you love and suddenly not connecting with it. I wasn’t even really going to write a review because who needs my opinion on this?/I don’t really have that much of an opinion. I think he’s incredibly funny, but I don’t think this was a home run (that’s something he has great material on too!), and that’s really all the opinions I have on this special.

BUT then I HAD to write one because halfway through I noticed I THINK THERE WERE TWO AUDIENCES????? I think they filmed this twice and cut it together!!! Is that possible-who can confirm or deny this for me? I say this because I love looking in the audience during stand up specials and for the beginning I was like, JEsuS all the women in the front row are really beautiful, then they kept cutting back to the same angle (and I would CHECK-front row, no chairs in front of them-to make sure it wasn’t a different angle of a new row somehow) and it was different people! Then I was watching vigilantly and I identified two sets of people for the front row on each side and I am convinced they did a 7:00pm and a 9:00pm then cut them together depending on which jokes did better at which show.

I also have sadly conflicting feelings about Nate Bargatze because I have heard he’s Republican which makes me sad and I hope isn’t true and not that people can’t be Republican, but to be Republican during Trump is honestly deranged and indicative of a failing of some kind to me, (I’m sorry my entire extended family) and it just makes me sad. Sad! But comedy isn’t about agreeing with someone and like I said I think he’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever seen, it just hurts my heart.

Also, I googled the Trip Advisor review from the Wilmington serpentarium like he says and I found it,

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so that’s fun. That was one joke that I remember going sooo much better- I opened for him in New Orleans and I heard him do this bit and the hammock stuff and I was dying but here I just chuckled a few times. And maybe the other factors had some effect, hearing it for the first time vs. second, show environment vs. at home on Netflix, these totally come into play but it was a huge difference and I don’t think it was JUST that.

3/5 hammits, wouldn’t masturbate again to this specifically but would to him always.

Fortune Feimster:


Now I think I’m just gonna do all of them. First of all, my audience theory is shaken by this one because it’s the same people so I don’t think they would make one audience sit through the same people two times each, that seems terrible. (Also why didn’t they rotate the audience? Usually when it’s the same night they move people around to make it look different, I’m curious as to why they didn’t here).

Anyway. I had never seen her stand up!! She’s so funny! My favorite joke (there were two) was when she was talking about the hardest time it was to be gay, which was when gay people started boycotting Chick-fil-A and she was like, “Cause I’m fat first, and a lesbian second” which had me ROLLING, that’s so fucking funny. There’s also another line where she was talking about Jesus judging people for being gay and she just had a surprised reaction where she was like, “Jesus!!!” that tickled me a lot.

I thought most of her set was pretty strong, but then at the end the whole last two minutes was callbacks and the last joke of the night had a punchline that was like just a series of callbacks to other jokes from the set, like 3 or 4 of them and that was too much for me. One can be good if it’s surprising but if I can see them coming they seem really formulaic and it seems like a cheap laugh somehow. But I really loved her stage presence she’s so engaging and likable, I really enjoyed her.

4/5 handy j’s (a great name for a handjob), would masturbate again.

Deon Cole:


Weird. Interesting? Mostly not for me. It was a lot of “bitches are like this” and generally relying on things as being facts/understood that I don’t believe in, like that you hate your spouse because all relationships are like that, or gender is this, or women are this, etc. Some things I thought were funny, at one point he was like, “I hate when white people know more about black history than me” which I thought was really funny and wanted to hear more about but that was the whole thing. He did a lot of one-liners that were structured, “You know when you _____?” that seemed more like premises that were funny in themselves but unfinished.

He also brought a paper out with him that was his set list-at first he did a bit with it where he was pretending it was to keep track of what jokes worked or not but then it became clear he was reading off it, and even referenced, “you know when you write something but you can’t read your own handwriting?” then at the end of the set he was like, “I can’t find my last joke. Usually a comedian leaves on a big laugh, but I can’t find that joke. So I’m just going to leave.” Which shocked me and seemed incredibly unpolished? Unprofessional? I don’t know the word. It shocked me though. I was like, “You know this is being taped right?” in my head but he couldn’t hear me.

He did some funny stuff about his son cursing, and there were a few lines I laughed/smiled at but I also rolled my eyes a lot, which is never a great sign. The audience liked him though, he mostly did a good job I’d say. Just wasn’t for me.

1.5/5 b.a.n-words, would not masturbate again.

Nikki Glaser:


Lol maybe I’m getting burned out? Nah, I think it’s just that i watch stand up so much I just don’t like a lot of it. But yeah, this one wasn’t really for me either. I know she’s really good friends with Amy Schumer and I felt that same vibe that was in Amy’s last special, you know the really terrible one, where it’s like, “I’m talking about a dog fucking my vagina!! Isn’t that crazy because I’m pretty and a woman?” And look, don’t get me wrong, I talk about fucking dogs all the time, but there’s an art to it. She honestly talked about her dog going down on her for 6-7 minutes. The whole special is like 28 minutes so that’s like a fourth of it-that’s what it felt like anyway.

This one felt really long to me, probably because I mostly wasn’t enjoying it, but I remember checking the time and being like, “It’s probably almost over” and she was only 10 minutes in. She has this delivery style that’s become really popular that I kind of can’t stand- it’s stating something false then letting it trail off? And then doing that like 4 more times about the same thing where it seems like you’re correcting but then you just say something else untrue and that’s the joke? A lot of people do it and I hate it. I don’t know how to describe it better than that but ugh. I’m sure I could remember or create an example but I really don’t like it so much I don’t want to. So just use your mind or go back and see.

Something also happening for me that I was struggling with during this one was trying not to hate her/write her off because she’s thin? I’m trying to distill out what’s internalized misogyny/feeling threatened by and competitive with women, or comparing myself to them and being mad that I don’t fit a standardized beauty norm that they do that gives them privileges that I don’t have, but also some of it is that I think being skinny is boring now? And I’m more interested in different body types (only in women though, so that’s something I should examine too) but I really loved watching Fortune Feimster and seeing her body on stage and watching people love her because you never see fat bodies presented like that/receiving love/acceptance and Nikki Glaser is just this thin hot blonde woman talking about her Match.com profile and how dating is hard for her because she doesn’t run and farts sometimes and there’s just nothing interesting to me there.

It also bothers me when women have these ideas of femininity that they perform and say on stage like it has to be performed because it reinforces that idea which I think is stupid- like she was saying that she held her farts in for four years because she didn’t want to fart in front of her boyfriend that she lived with (and yes of course she’s allowed to feel and do anything she wants, I just think it’s stupid and boring) and I’m watching, annoyed like, “women can fart!!!” but I don’t have a boyfriend either so maybe she’s right, I don’t know and I don’t care. I would rather be alone than have to be around someone all the time I couldn’t be myself with and that’s why I don’t really care about dating and if someone likes me they do but I’m not going to change myself to fit some idea of what some imperfect stranger wants me to be.

Anyway, this wasn’t really for me. (Am I a hater?) 2/5 dog vaginas, would not masturbate again.

Beth Stelling:

Photoshoot for Fjallraven for the American Fjallraven Classic.

Ok I loved this one!!!!! Fave so far. Really great. She’s such an incredible writer, this one was SO packed with jokes, it felt like there was a joke every 3 seconds. Even things I didn’t think were funny (one joke about froyo) were funny because her delivery is so interesting.

The only thing that bothered me was that her face foundation didn’t match her skin tone??? It was distracting and looked terrible and made me feel bad for her but she did so well it didn’t matter. This was the best one so far I think, she seemed so comfortable and the audience was WITH her, from the beginning and throughout and no one else has had that yet. They’ve gotten consistent laughs but it seems like they have to work for them and don’t get them every time/no one’s hit a rhythm yet.

This one it felt like she was in the zone and it passed so quickly, this is the only one that I wished was longer and was sad when it was over.

4.5/5 red sneakers (I LOVED her outfit), would definitely masturbate again.

Dan Soder:


Eh. WASN’T FOR ME. That seems to be the vibe of so many of these. I don’t not like them, I don’t think they’re bad, I just don’t find them funny.

This guy, he laughs at SO many of his jokes. After them, in the middle of them, and it was distracting and whatever the opposite of endearing is. He also talked about his breakup and that his ex-gf was a bad person and when people didn’t laugh at that (why would they? it’s not a joke yet, you have to say the joke part) he was like, “Oh are all of you her friends? Good” and that was annoying because comics do that a lot- first of all you have to tell a joke to get a laugh and second of all, we didn’t date them and you haven’t established trust yet (even though this was like 20 min in) so you have to tell/show/whatever to get us on your side because we’re not there yet.

Idk, he talked a lot about things that I don’t care about/aren’t interesting to me. Like how the voice you use with your grandma affects your masculinity and how he thinks reality TV is stupid and video games are cool, and how setting wolves loose would help ‘society’ cause we’re just ‘all on our phones man,’ and how ponytails on men make them bad and how catcalling women is actually just about those men having so much confidence and he can’t believe someone has that much dick confidence and he’s not like that at all.

I think that was part of what turned me off to him was that he has this self-deprecating thing he kept coming back to, saying he didn’t have the confidence of all these other kinds of men, that he wears t-shirts to the pool, never works out, etc. Always making himself seem like the victim/lesser in these situations he would describe but he’s pretty attractive and it felt like a false humility? Idk. I’m sure there’s plenty for him to feel insecure about but it felt like he was just saying that because that’s what he thinks you have to do onstage to get the audience to like you.

Anyway, just not for me!! He did have a line I really liked about about ranch, he was like, “it’s gotta be from the valley, and it’s gotta be a secret!” (talking about Hidden Valley) and that’s very funny to me. But that was kind of it.

2/5 haunted ex-girlfriends, would not masturbate again.


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Loved it. Absolutely loved it. I walked home for 20 blocks grinning because it made me giddy. Right off the bat-was a lot of it completely over the top? Yes, absolutely. The whole second half requires you make a huge leap with him and I completely get if people didn’t/wouldn’t do that. It was kind of insane and little too much like, “THIS IS A METAPHOR” but I was pretty on board and loveddddd where it went and the payoff was enough for me, but there were definitely moments where I had my doubts.

The film opens on someone putting a glass egg rock on a mount and we see life come back into a house and a person forms in bed who rolls over and says, “Baby?” looking for someone. It’s Jennifer Lawrence and she gets out of bed and pads around this entire empty beautiful house and opens the door to look outside and is surprised by Javier Bardem behind her.

The acting in this is incredible and this first shot establishes that immediately-right when he comes up behind her, she beams and kisses him and he says, “I must stink” and she says, “I like it” and he says, “I need to wash up” or something to that effect, and leaves to take his shower while she watches him climb the stairs and he never looks back. We instantly can tell that she loves him more than he loves her, we just don’t know why.

Then there’s a lot of establishing shots following her around the house. He’s a writer, so he attempts to do that a lot and she sits around a lot watching him do that (girl!!!). She also has her own house stuff she does. We learn she’s fixed up almost the entire house by herself, it was his childhood home that burned to the ground that she’s rebuilt, sanded, reinforced, refurbished, all those words. One of the projects we see is her mixing plaster (?) and putting this dye/powder in it that she also later drinks (?) to make it different colors of beige and then uses a trowel to cover the wall with it. Why not paint? Why not a brush? Very unclear.

So this goes on for a while and it seems very terrible for her, she loves this person and he’s pretty emotionally withdrawn from her (only speaks to her briefly, always seems to want to get away) until one night when he’s “writing” (sitting in front of a blank piece of paper holding a pen) and they hear a knock at the door, spooky!

He tells her ‘stay here’ (ugh) and goes to answer. And it’s not spooky at all, it’s just Ed Harris! He’s a neurosurgeon and he’s come to stay because he thought it was a bed and breakfast. This is actually a lie and he’s a dying fan but we’ll get to that!!

He hits on Jennifer Lawrence and smokes in the house and generally gives her weird vibes. I forgot-before this she had a moment with the house where she pressed her hand against a wall and could feel a living thing with a heartbeat. She also keeps getting these dizzy spells that she drinks saffron for (the yellow dye) and it seems to help. Javier is like, ‘This isn’t a bed and breakfast but you can stay anyway, I hate my wife!’ And JLaw’s like ‘Wtf!!’ but caves because she’s too in love, which if not reciprocated, is a terrible blinding curse.

She goes to give Ed the linens for his bed later and finds him throwing up in the bathroom with Javier, with a huge gash on his back that they try to hide from her. Javier implores her to ‘give him some privacy’ in her own house but ok, and she leaves. She sees Ed’s lighter on an end table and pushes it off the edge to fall behind the dresser or whatever it is.

The next day his wife comes (Michelle Pfeiffer) and she is an alcoholic card. There’s a very tense scene where she’s asking Jennifer (no one has any names. The IMDB page is just, “Man, Woman, Him, Mother, Idler, Cupbearer, Damsel, Bumbler, Philaderer, Fool, etc.) why she doesn’t want kids, and how their sex life is, and it ends with her basically implying that Javier doesn’t love her anymore.

This movie escalates really quickly, people just keep coming into the house and Jennifer Lawrence is getting more and more upset, and finally the sons come and are arguing and one kills the other one (potential call to Cain and Abel? There’s a religious thing later we’ll get to) with a doorknob and leaves. The family rushes him to the hospital and Javier goes with them as Jennifer Lawrence is crying, “Please don’t leave me,” but of course he does, and she has to clean up the blood and everything by herself. This takes us on a magical realism tour of the house where the walls start crying blood and crumbling and she finds a passageway that a single toad hops out of. (Biblical reference to the plagues?) Jennifer was going to explore said cavern/hole but hears something upstairs. The brother who didn’t get murdered came back for his wallet and leaves but not before imparting, “He left you here alone? You really do understand” referencing how he was asking her if she understood while he cried, “They always leave me they were going to leave me all alone” and gripped her face in his blood covered hand. Hey buddy, buy a girl dinner first!

Javier comes back and she’s calmed momentarily, but then all these other people start pouring in because he said they could have the services at the house. This escalates more and more until people break the sink (it’s not braced!!) and she screams at everyone to leave.

This prompts a fight between Jennifer and Javier where she’s like, “I’m not enough and you want to have kids but you can never fuck me” then there’s a weirdly violent rape scene? He doesn’t rape her and it’s not violent violent but he’s kind of raping her then she ends up liking it and changes to be into it. (Sidenote: this was a scene where I was like, “Do I trust any men to tell stories? Not really” cause I don’t think you’ll find a movie with one of those scenes that’s directed by a woman but male directed movies are just littered with them).

Then she wakes up bathed in light and she *knows* that she’s pregnant (I think they did that cause how else were they gonna get a pregnancy test to this abandoned ass farm?? But yeah sure some women know 10 hrs after having sex they’re pregnant. The body can just tell! Legitimate rape!) and there is a BRIEF moment of happiness between them before he gets up and begins to write furiously. He keeps writing all morning and she’s like, “Well I don’t want to disturb you” then doesn’t for like 6 months until she feels the baby kick and runs to tell him and once again is eclipsed because he’s JUST finished his piece.

She reads it, and cries because it’s so beautiful but also she’s scared of losing him, which he assures her will never happen (lol, you can’t lose something you don’t have my bb). Then the phone rings and it’s his publisher (Kristen Wiig), she loves it. JLaw is like, “She’s seen it?” and he’s like, “Of course.” Then they do pregnancy stuff: buy a crib, put a rug over that blood stain on the floor where someone was murdered, knit a blanket, you know, pregnancy stuff!

Then JLaw is wearing a grecian cut cotton gown (the whole time he keeps calling her his ‘goddess,’ and also he’s a huge feminist on Twitter) and makeup for the first time and she’s cooked a huge feast and is putting it out on the dining room table to celebrate his book selling out in the first day. Then there’s a knock on the window and it’s some fans who want him to sign something and he goes out to bask in their adoration and she keeps asking him to come back inside but he keeps asking her to give him another minute. Then a woman and her child come in to use the bathroom and Jennifer’s like, “You have to get out” and the kid has an accident and she’s like, “Ok I’ll help you but then you really need to leave” then she sees that ALL these people are inside her house.

From this moment on we leave the reality that has been created/understood up until this point and the movie enters a fantastical realm. Many stages of society are enacted within the house, religious ceremony, war, sex trafficking, war, fighting, prayer, refuge, Kristen Wiig shooting someone in the head, etc. etc. Jennifer keeps trying to get out of her house and traveling through all these worlds that have seemingly just popped up-they seem like circles of hell, or different stages of revolution, or societal collapse. Sin maybe? I was thinking about what it could be a metaphor for, because it so clearly is meant to be non-literal, and I was thinking perhaps how ideas and art are co-opted for political gain/war, because the people keep justifying their misdeeds by the poem (when stealing things from the house: “everything is ours, just like the poet says”) and he’s this figurehead to them that represents some ideology that’s fueling all the chaos and damage.

It also made me think of Twitter (because that’s where my mind always is) and social media in general and boundaries- how people share parts of themselves but then others use it to invade and overrun, and how often people close to artists get wrapped up in that even though they didn’t want it/ask for it and often their private lives and details become a consumable for the public.

I also thought the house was a metaphor for something, possibly their relationship, because it had a heartbeat Jennifer kept checking on and throughout the movie it was slowly dying and at the end when she decides to leave him (after a crowd of people kill her baby), it’s dead. Also how on the nose is that for dating someone who’s broken? Rebuilding their house while you live in it? Yes.

Oh yeah, so she has the baby in the room he boarded up bc the guests broke the heart crystal from the beginning (so much symbolism!!! The english major in me is dying of happiness and wants to read/write a million analytical essays on this movie) and she keeps asking him to tell them to leave until finally he says he doesn’t want them to leave, then she won’t let him hold the baby. She falls asleep for one second and he takes it out and passes it around amongst the crowd. This baby is crowdsurfing like he’s at a NIN concert, until we hear a SICKENING crunch and JLaw loses it and rushes to get to him but he’s already dead and his body is on an alter and people are eating him. Then she goes nuts and starts stabbing people with a huge piece of glass, they turn on her and beat her while calling her a cunt until Javier comes over and stops it. He holds her and tells her they need to find it in their hearts to forgive the mob and she cries, “You killed my baby.”

Then she finds the lighter she pushed behind the dresser from before and goes down to the blood basement chamber and kicks in the furnace. While all the oil is spilling out, Javier pleads with her not to do it. She says, “You never loved me, you just loved how much I loved you”  and lights everything on fire and it all burns. YES BITCH.

Javier carries her somewhere and she’s crying, “I was never enough you took everything everything from me. What hurts the most is I was never enough” and he’s like, “You could never be enough, that’s the only way I can write, that’s how it has to be.” And she’s like “Just let me go I have nothing left to give.” And he’s like, “Do you still have your love?” and she nods while crying and he reaches into her belly, which collapses into ash, and pulls out a beating thing that immediately hardens and turns black. Then he cracks it open and inside is a beautiful glass rock that he carries it to the pedestal from the beginning. Once he puts it in the whole house revives and we see a figure form on the bed who rolls over (new actress, not Jennifer Lawrence) and says, “Baby?”

!!!!!!!! Amazing amazing amazing amazing. I am grinning just remembering it. I really want to ask Darren Aronofsky who hurt him-or maybe he’s incredibly self-aware, because it seems like this movie is all about the one-sidedness of some relationships and how some people use the love of others selfishly. Ugh, it was so good and I lovedddd it. Also the song that played right after this blackout, during the credits (which also might have been the only music in the movie? Is that right? There was a techno song that played when their house turned into a hell rave but other than that I don’t think there was a soundtrack) was a slowed down cover of The End of the World by Skeeter Davis which is what’s playing on the record player on repeat when Brittany Murphy hangs herself in Girl, Interrupted and Winona Ryder goes up and finds her.

I loved this movie. It reminded me of a play in a lot of ways. Minimal characters, an emotional build that gives depth to actions that would normally seem mundane, quick turns of events that heighten situations exponentially, etc. It felt so much like a play now that I’m thinking of it. Like I said, the acting was terrific. There was so much going on beyond the words everyone was saying, there were these scenes that were so loaded-it was incredible. I mean, Michelle Pfeiffer probably has maybe thirty lines if we counted them all out but her CHARACTER was incredible.

One of the most haunting things about this is that throughout people kind of make comments about their age difference (‘Must be hard when you have a decade between you’) and the cyclical nature of the ending makes you think he’s been doing this for years and years to so many women and that’s harrowing to consider. Also lol, my favorite lesson from this movie was that a lot of men like horror movies but don’t realize that the true horror is men who are emotionally unavailable 😎

I want to watch this movie again in like a year to see how I feel about it after sitting with it for a while and like I said I also want to read a million essays of interpretations of it. I wanted to write this first though so it wouldn’t be tainted. Maybe I will go back and include comments/theories of some of the good ones.

For right now, 8/10 bloody toads, would masturbate again.


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Gaga: Five Foot Two


!!! The Lady Gaga doc is on Netflix right now and I watched it!!! K- honestly I didn’t know what I was going to think because she kind of lost me in the shock and awe campaign that was the meat dress and most of what followed it and then with Joanne, a lot of them don’t really seem like bangers they’re kind of melodically meandering and A Million Reasons is beautiful (especially in live recordings and when I saw her do it on carpool karaoke I cried which is embarrassing on a lot of different levels, but it’s also true about me and I need to embrace that) but this doc gave me a new respect which is probably exactly what it intended to do, and hey it worked!!!

SO to start. This doc starts sort of following the creation of her new album Joanne (is it a PR move to gain hype? Probably!). There’s lots of ‘strategy’ behind this kind of stuff that I do think is considered but also people can just want to share things and you can’t be cynical about everything otherwise what’s the point of living and sometimes you just have to accept someone’s art even if it’s in the form of a Netflix documentary. Great, now that we got that out of the way, I loved it!!! She was a producer so I thought that meant it would be kind of fluffy and only show her in a good light and mostly it did (Well, there are a lot of scenes of her crying and I guess you could argue that makes her sympathetic but I wouldn’t necessarily say that is ‘good’ light) but ANYWAY.

Basically, the name of the album and many of the songs revolve around her dad’s sister who died when she was 19 because she had Lupus and some other stuff and she was an artist and had lesions on her hands and the doctors kind of didn’t know what to do in the 70’s so they said they needed to amputate her hands which was heartbreaking because she was an artist but I also think the operation didn’t go well because she died shortly afterwards and it affected the whole family and Lady Gaga (Stephanie!) was little and was around this and absorbed it/was influenced by the effect it had on her whole family.

(That was one sentence and I know some of my old professors would be horrified but I’m proud that I could distill the impetus for her entire album in one breathless thought!!)

There’s a scene where she’s playing the title track for her Grandma and she’s crying and her dad has to leave the room and her Grandma says twice that it’s beautiful but not to get too maudlin about it because it was a long time ago and everyone needs to keep living. Her Grandma seemed like a fucking G and she had peaches and Lady Gaga was like, “Oh a peach! Can I have a peach Grandma?” and her Grandma was like, “Of course, anything you find in there you can have” and I think lots of Grandma’s sign a secret code where they all buy those hangers that are wrapped in ribbon/crocheted and agree to love unconditionally and be tough for the whole family.

The doc was beautifully shot, we went to a desert music video, the superbowl, a christening, a concert on a building in New York, many venues and places. I was surprised by how, I’m not sure the word, but maybe accessible she was? She just kinda puts it out there. Also something I learned that I liked was that she was talking about male producers and how they treat female artists especially in pop music and she was saying about how all her weird fashion and outfits were in a direct response to someone saying she had to be sexy/revealing and that it was her way of staying in control and feeling like herself.

Lady Gaga has fibromyalgia, and a lot of scenes focused on the pain she felt daily and the medical/physical stuff she had to do to deal with & live with that.

She hit her producer’s car one day and money was never mentioned. I’m sure they did off-screen? But imagine getting into a car accident and not being worried about it affecting your life in any way more than if the person was mad at you.

Her parents and sister were around (the christening was for her nephew, yes she looked better than the baby), her dad seems to be traveling with her/around the most.

Before she did the Superbowl (that was kind of what the second half of the doc was focused on, and the last scene is her going out to it) I was happily surprised that she was running around and joking with everyone-I would be nervous and testy and a mess probably but she was like, “I’m not gonna do this again so I have to have all the fun right now!” which is an incredibly healthy way to look at it.

For a lot of this I was struck by similarities between her and Amy Winehouse (and not just because her new look is big hair and mostly eyeliner) they’re both jazz focused/trained talented young TINY white women (Jewish & Italian respectively) that Tony Bennet loved, and I couldn’t help but thinking that this would perhaps be what Amy’s life looked like had she gone to rehab the first time (if you haven’t watched THAT doc it’s very well done and incredibly heartbreaking and you end up hating her dad).

The love stuff was also interesting, there’s one part where there’s her audio (no video) and she’s crying and saying how all her successes in life never line up, whenever her career is going well her love life takes a hit. She even lines it up, “I sell 10 million records I lose Matt. I sell 30 million records I lose Luc. I get a movie, I lose Taylor” referring to her ex-fiancé Taylor Kinney who she dated for five years and was breaking up with while this was shooting. It was sad. At one point she says, “I go from being touched all day and talked to, to being completely alone in silence” and that was a lot and I’m just glad she has a dog, those are necessary for these moments.

Love is difficult! I read that she’s dating someone now and I’m happy for her. I really like her after this!! I LOVED her in high school and college and like I said I kind of fell off for a while, but I’m back full force so this PR move definitely worked on me.

At one point when she’s describing Joanne (a very stripped down aesthetic-no costumes, no wigs, etc) she’s like, “It’s boring for me to be shocking everyone all the time. We’ve all seen it. I’m bored of it” but then later she’s wondering if she’s going to let down some of her older fans by not having the extravagance- it seems exhausting wondering what other people’s opinions of you will be all the time.

But she does look beautiful. And Tiny! So tiny! Mark Ronson came out looking great in this, like a collaborative feminist which I hope he is.

There’s a great scene where she buys her own CD in Walmart which was cute but also probably a marketing ploy???? (I hate that I’m being cynical now anticipating this through other’s eyes!! When I was watching it I felt genuine like for this scene/these things but I also felt the strategy. Can someone on this level ever be rid of it really?)

I love her and think she’s beautiful and I think the song A Million Reasons is gorgeous and about Taylor Kinney not her dead Aunt’s hands but art can be many things!!! Also the song Joanne is phenomenal and I want to buy the album now and this worked on me!!! I am a corporate shill!!!

It also made me jealous that I’m not a songwriter because there you can just write the words you feel and with comedy you have to find something that’s funny about it you can talk about otherwise it’s just self-indulgent and boring but there’s some parts of heartbreak/sadness that aren’t funny you’re just heartbroken and sad and you want to be vulnerable about that even if it doesn’t give anything to anyone else.

There’s also a weird “You Go Girl!” duet with her and Florence Welch that I wanted to be on board with but seemed a little corny and I didn’t like the song that much but I’m sure when it comes out I’ll love it unconditionally. We also see a lot of her tattoos in this movie because she’s not wearing very many clothes (approve!!) and there are some BEAUTIFUL ones and it made me want to get more connecting/abstract pieces.

3.5/5 pink felt hats, would masturbate again just for the Madonna mentions!!!

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