Detective Pikachu

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Hello! I haven’t written a review in what feels like a really long time but I’m doing The Artist’s Way right now (a standing ovation? For me? Thank you!!) and that lady really wants us all to just go for it so I’m not going to let the fact that I was high during this movie, or that I saw it yesterday and have now forgotten what little of it I did remember, stop me from writing what I’m sure will be a very confusing and rambling review!!!

Surprise: I loved this movie! Again, cannot stress enough that I was on drugs but I think I would have loved it anyway and I WILL be seeing it again. Maybe then I’ll have to add a little addendum that’s like, “Wow, hated it actually” but for now, I loved it baby!!!

The basic plot of this movie is that there is a man (Bill Nighy-why is his name that close to Bill Nye? I don’t like that this is allowed) who founded Ryme City where people and Pokémon coexist together in harmony- no trainers, no battles.

The first scene of the movie is a car accident that MewTwo (a psychic type, very powerful Pokémon who was cloned from the ancient Pokémon Mew) caused after he (no idea what Mew Two’s pronouns are) escaped from a glass/metal enclosure where he’s suspended in liquid. Loved that part it was awesome, great opening scene. Then we cut to two male friends, trying to catch a Pokémon. They do this not by fighting or battling or damaging it (which is customary) but just by throwing a Pokeball at it, because it is explained that capturing Pokémon here is more about ‘finding a connection.’ (It’s interesting how little fighting is in this movie which is clearly intentional). It doesn’t go great because the main character (a boy whose name I cannot remember for the life of me) has a BLOCK with Pokémon and he’s ‘done now’ etc. etc., hinting at a personally storied past with this topic!!!

Then we find out the person in the car accident was this guy’s dad. So he goes to Ryme City to connect with the apartment of his dead dad? I forget why he goes. To get closure & the mail? It’s unclear. When he’s there he meets a young white lady (that’s what we call the in-between years. Not a girl, not yet a woman. Everyone in this movie was 21 and I simply do not know what to do with that age) who clearly watched The Maltese Falcon to prepare for this role and nothing else.  She’s trying to be a reporter and thinks his Detective father was murdered because of the case he was investigating, right before he died. We also meet a Pikachu that was his dad’s old partner that the boy can understand.

Um then they try to investigate stuff? It honestly changes, first they believe the dad’s dead, then they think he’s not, then they go back, then there’s a fight because of maybe a betrayal, but then a twist that causes Pikachu to go back, and a citywide meltdown/evil plot but then it’s ok. Basically the guy from the beginning we thought was a cool old man had a disease that he tried to fix by transferring consciousness from his body into a Pokémon (because MewTwo can do that)-and there’s this purple gas (It’s part of the Prince States of Matter: Purple Rain, Purple Gas and Purple Solid) that makes the Pokémon’s brain’s chaotic enough for the transfer (a character literally says, “You can only do it when their brains are chaotic from the gas”) and the evil mayor does Macy’s Day Parade floats of Pokémon but they’re all filled with the gas because he wants everyone to transfer into their Pokémon. Whew. Classic man, trying to transfer a state of consciousness into a Japanese pocket monster to escape their own mortality. THIS is toxic masculinity ladies!!!! Also Camp. This is Camp.

I forget how they save it but they do. It feels unimportant. Earlier in the movie 9 Pokémon breathe this gas and it causes a chase scene that goes across multiple parts of the city but at the end hundreds of them breathe it and nothing really happens? Maybe they were tired. (The writers, not the Pokémon).

I really wanted to see Team Rocket and we didn’t. We didn’t get any original human characters and I hope that’s in the next one??? Where’s Brock and Misty and Ash??? Is he Ash? I just looked it up-he’s Tim Goodman?? Where is that name from? That’s like the Home Improvement version of Ash. Tim the Goodman Trainer/Tim the Toolman Taylor. It rhymes! (Ryme City bitch Ryme Ryme City Bitch).

Um: cool stuff- I liked the Pokémon fight scene in the metal cage (But as I alluded to before, there isn’t that much fighting, even in a fight scene in an underground battle ring- Pikachu ‘forgets’ how to use his powers and mostly just runs away) between Pikachu and that Charizard, it reminded me of the bar Wolverine fought in before he found the X-Men, and the Jet Li fight scenes in Unleashed, and also one episode of Dark Angel. I guess am learning that I just love fight scenes in metal cages. Next time I go on a first date, & he asks, “What are some things you like?” I’m gonna lead with that. I’ll let you know how it goes.

(Side note: When I was little there was a place my brother and I bought Pokémon/Yu-Gi-Oh cards & comic books from and they had a framed holographic Charizard card for a hundred dollars and I SERIOUSLY considered spending all my money on it and then had a moment where I was like, “This is not a good investment” and walked out of the store. But a close call for sure).

When the Ditto took the sunglasses off and was another person but with just hand-drawn black dots for eyes, that was horrifying and there were mostly children in the theatre so it’s cool they didn’t tone it down even though they knew it was nightmare fuel. I respect that. Also lol that for most of the movie the Ditto was played by supermodel Suki Waterhouse. There is something funny about picking someone who is professionally beautiful to play an amorphous shapeshifting blob.

The interrogation scene with the Mr. Mime was so funny and dark, it felt like what Deadpool wants to be (another Ryan Reynolds?? Is there not another man to do these? Do people love his voice? I find it pretty forgettable. I thought it was T.J. Miller at first and I was horrified, but it wasn’t). I also loved that they fake killed Mr. Mime after he gave them what they wanted. If he dies in the Mime does he die in real life?? Is miming his Matrix??

I liked how soft the Pikachu’s fur looked!!!! SO soft!!!!! And he was handheld sized so I really wanted to hold him. When he was falling from the sky in that last fight scene I held my hands out in the theatre to catch him. (Very high!!). I think they’re gonna sell a million stuffed animals that won’t be nearly as soft as they should be, and as a former child, that is upsetting.

It was fun to remember all the Pokémon! I haven’t watched that show since I was probably 16? 17? Is that too old? How old were we? And it’s cool to know my brain is still holding onto most of the evolutions of a bunch of made up animals. (I’m calling the Pokémon animals bc I don’t know what else to call them. If there’s a better term let me know). There’s one scene with a Flareon and my brain immediately popped up a flow chart of an Eevee to a Vaporeon to a Flareon) which now the internet is telling me is wrong and that there’s 5 evolutions of Eevee and they’re just all different forms which I absolutely reject.

The Jigglypuff singing karaoke at one place was a nice touch, and the Psyduck as the girl’s sidekick (psydkick) was great because they were always such fun comic buildup & release. I like how they stayed true to how physical & gag-y the humor of the original show was. Honestly though the funniest part of this movie to me was at the very end when Tim decides to stay and live with his dad (spoiler he’s not dead! He’s also Ryan Reynolds!! Sorry I spoiled it) and they’re at the train station and he asks if he can stay and the dad says yes so Tim walks to the trashcan and just throws his ticket away??? I laughed aloud. It’s such a weird moment. Like at least give it to someone else? Or sell it for half price? Or save it to see if you can transfer the credit or something. Neither of you have jobs now!! Very weird.

Two things that feel important to say: I did not see the trailer. After the movie was over, a lot of the people I saw it with were comparing their ideas of it to what they thought from the trailer, or things that were different, and I had no expectations at all, I didn’t even know if the Pokémon were going to be able to talk. The first six minutes of the movie in my head I was like, “What if the detective can’t talk and the whole thing is that scene from The Wire where they solve the crime just by saying ‘fuck’ but instead it’s an animal saying, “Pikachu????” That would be terrible, I’m glad he could talk and it made sense how they contrived that. But that was a huge problem with getting this movie made I bet, because the Pokémon do not talk in the cartoon, but it’d be awful to try and make a full length movie where the main character can only say his name. I liked that they addressed why he could talk and I thought they did it in an elegant way that made sense.

The second thing is that I wished there was more MUSIC. How do you make the city Ryme City and not have at least two original songs? The theme song from the cartoon is so iconic, I was shocked at the lack of music. Anytime something exciting started to happen, music would start and I was VERY ready for a cool song to play that I would love but it felt like they faded out the music/songs really quickly?? And they were so good in those initial moments but then not satisfying at all. I loved the Diplo cameo, and really wanted him to do more, both musically and sexually in this movie. (I am fascinated by Diplo in a way that feels potentially unhealthy).

I just watched the trailer to see and I loved it! I love this movie. It was very fun and funny! There are good jokes in there. I can’t think of anything I didn’t like. The main character of this movie was born in 1995 and that feels wrong, but that’s not his fault.

4/5 Dugtrios, would masturbate again.

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