One of the great things about living close to a college campus is that people are still bending over backwards so they will enjoy their lives, so cool things happen a lot that you can go to. Such as a pre-screening for the movie Trainwreck which isn’t coming to normal people until the summer! Woo! (Which is actually a hilarious inside joke for myself because the town I went to college in was called Worcester, which was often shortened to the Woo, so really I was tying it back to my own youth, while simultaneously making fun of someone else’s. That’s tricky to be snarky and sincere at the same time, I should win a medal for this blog post is what I’m saying).

Trainwreck!!! It’s the new Amy Schumer/Judd Apatow collab which was SO GOOD!!!! It was incredible!!! I laughed mostly the whole time except for a few parts where I was crying and then yes, there were normal parts where I was just breathing passively but they were few and far between!

Amy Schumer stars and plays a character also called Amy (or she might just straight up be playing herself-either way you get it, it’s autobiographical) whose mom is out of the picture (never really understood why, either she died or left cause their dad was an asshole). Her dad (EXCELLENTLY played by Colin Quinn) is getting older and the beginning of the movie is them moving him into an assisted living facility. These parts are played very well, they have a serious tone and they don’t do that thing a lot of movies do where they don’t let things be sad, even if the situation is horrible, because the movie is a comedy. Think Happy Gilmore when they repossess the grandma’s house; he cares and it’s a big deal, but you never feel sad for her or feel the loss that is occurring. This movie handles a spectrum of emotion nicely and I appreciated that. Anyway, so Amy and her sister Kim (Brie Larson-who has been making quite the splash these past few years!) move him into a facility.

Amy works at a magazine (that’s one of the only things I didn’t like about the movie-in romantic comedies there seem to only be about 5 jobs women can have: writer at a magazine, baker, editor at a magazine, florist, or copywriter at a magazine) under her editor Dianna played brilliantly by Tilda Swinton. A hilarious sidenote: a 16 year old intern at the magazine (Donald), whom Amy has a failed sexual encounter with is played by Ezra Miller. If you’re thinking “Where have I seen this pair together before?” I’ll tell you! It was in We Need To Talk About Kevin, where Ezra Miller plays Tilda Swinton’s son who kills everyone in his high school with a bow and arrow! So that’s fun!

The magazine thing actually turns out to be hilarious because we get to hear these amazing pitch meetings full of article ideas like: “Are You Gay or Is She Just Boring?” and “Ugliest Celebrity Babies Under Six.” Genius. During this meeting, one of the other writers who loves sports (a man) pitches an article about this physician who’s trying out this new type of knee surgery that’s unique and progressive (Right? That’s what things are right?). Amy reacts in disdain because Sports, and her editor is intrigued. (You know that ole vitriol and sports medicine combo) And she assigns the piece to Amy instead.

Amy goes to meet the doctor, Aaron, played by Bill Hader

Another but bigger sidenote: I think we have all been routing for Bill Hader this whole damn time- he’s so funny and talented but nothing seems to work out! He left SNL to do movies and that hasn’t really gone anywhere, and we just haven’t seen him live up to his potential but I think we’re turning a corner here, I really do.

who is great! While they are figuring out that they’re both good at banter, we see that Dr. Aaron is very good friends with LeBron James! The real one! There are so many cool cameos in this movie-mainly comedians: most notably Dave Attell as a homeless man and Nikki Glaser as a conservative mom who loves her kids (if you’ve ever seen her stand up you know why that’s funny) but also athletes and actors. John Cena who kills as an early boyfriend (there’s a sex scene!!!) Pete Davidson who I am in love with, and many more that I’m too lazy to name.

Over the course of a normal period of time Amy and Aaron fall in crush and are dating. I appreciated them specifically announcing the passage of time because too often people are in these intense relationships within a few weeks of meeting, and it’s like good lord, calm down. Let Jesus take the wheel for ONCE.

But SPOILER ALERT Amy’s dad dies and this brings out a different side of her, sadder than before and with more boxed wine. A few things happen that raise the tension a little bit but they’re still mostly good. Then Dr. Aaron wins a Doctors Without Borders award and he brings Amy to the dinner where they award him. During his speech she gets a phone call from her boss who says she’s going to fire her if she doesn’t pick up, so she leaves and takes the call. Aaron is pissed, and they start having a fight. Amy wants to leave/stop talking about it because she does not deal well with emotional intimacy.

Rewind: The first scene of the movie is the two girls (ages nine and five) sitting on the hood of the family car while their dad explains to them that he and their mother are getting divorced (through a very funny doll metaphor) and the encounter ends with both the girls chanting “Monogamy isn’t realistic!” So that’s what she’s working with.

Also, the whole movie, her sister is painted as the one who has her life ‘together’ (husband +kid + house) but the whole time Amy regards these things as “hella lame” as the kids would say (if it were California in the 90’s) and she is always painted as the one who can’t commit.

So Amy and Aaron are having this fight and she’s pulling away. Like a normal human person Aaron is like, “we can communicate when things upset us, let’s talk about this” also said that his parents said you should ‘never go to bed mad.’ Amy really takes that to heart and they have this big fight/talk (we all know those) that lasts basically the whole night. Which wouldn’t be a big deal except it IS because the next day is Aaron’s big experimental knee surgery that he’s been trying to perfect. (This scene was very stressful for me because I get really into movies and then I feel things as if they’re happening to me personally) But thankfully, the athlete in question (Amar’e Stoudemire) refuses to have the surgery that day and makes them reschedule.

This is the part of the movie where everyone takes some time away from everyone else (after they both say mean things in a fight about the fight-we all know those). But then thoughts are had and Amy and her sister talk and we all get some perspective.

It’s the first big game after the postponement surgery! Everyone is nervous to see how it’s going to turn out! So Amy rushes to the game (Knicks) and after the game is over (thank god) she parades out with all the Knicks dancers and performs a very long dance with them. I say long not because I was bored (QUITE THE OPPOSITE) but because it’s impressive. It’s great! She tries to do a flip-dunk, fails, and then she and Aaron make out on the mats and the kiss cam and then it’s a Happily Ever After pan out, and we’re done.

9/10 Would definitely masturbate again. Probably twice

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